How “Babygirl” Fails as an Erotic Thriller But Succeeds as Something Else
When I hear “erotic thriller,” I think of stories about unhinged obsession, stalking, and murder. I think Basic Instinct when crime novelist Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone) spreads her legs and bears her vulva to the cops investigating her for manslaughter. I think Fatal Attraction with Alex Forrest (Glenn Close), who has an affair with a married man. After he ends the relationship, she leaves his daughter’s pet rabbit boiling in a pot for the family to find in their kitchen. I think of Gus Van Sant’s campy To Die For, with our then-young “babygirl,” Nicole Kidman, playing Suzanne Stone, a sociopathic fish in a small pond with big dreams of becoming a television journalist. To achieve her goals, Suzanne seduces a high school student, Jimmy (19-year-old Joaquin Phoenix), and convinces him to murder the husband standing in her way.
Films such as these cast the erotic thriller as neo-noirs, following the hypersexual and ferociously enterprising femme fatale on an unsubtle killing spree or some other path of destruction. With this in mind, if you’re expecting or hoping that Babygirl will satiate you with familiar scenes of dark and lustful infatuations, this movie will surprise you—perhaps even bore you—with its tameness and compassion toward the submissive good girl.
Even though Babygirl casts Kidman in the center of a salacious film, hearkening to a genre that flourished during the rise of Kidman’s career in the 1980s and 90s, the film is misbranded as an erotic thriller. Arguably, it’s neither erotic (in the sense that it aims to arouse sexually) nor a thriller (in the sense that it excites like a diamond heist movie). So, if you hear the word “erotic” in relation to a plot involving a high-power CEO having an affair with a much younger intern and begin hoping for a BDSM romance akin to Secretary—with swapped power dynamics as the woman assumes the role of the boss—you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. And, if you hear the word “thriller” and anticipate crime-solving, might I recommend you instead watch Jane Campion’s woefully underrated In the Cut with Meg Ryan in her most Nicole Kidman role ever?
Babygirl is better framed as a sympathetic sexual and psychological portrait of Romy Mathis, a wealthy and successful CEO, wife, and mother who is forced to confront the carnal fantasies that shame her. Romy represses her desires, believing they are byproducts of trauma from a childhood spent growing up in a cult (an origin story briefly glossed over in a short conversation between Romy and her assistant). She also fears that these desires will catastrophically and irrevocably undo her self, career, and family.
While promoting the film, director and writer Halina Reijn noted her intent to rewrite Kidman’s role in Eyes Wide Shut, in which she plays Alice, the wife consumed by her extramarital fantasies. Eyes Wide Shut and similar narratives emphasize the Odysseus-as-modern-man-Leopold-Bloom figure, who goes on an odyssey while contemplating his wife’s faithfulness or lack thereof. In Reijn’s reframing of this trope, the yearnings of the wife, not her husband, take center stage.
What’s more, the film neither villanizes nor lets Romy off the hook as it forces her to take accountability for her adulterous fantasies and actions, both of which render her culpable. Remarkably, instead of leading her to a Greek tragedy ending where she loses everything, the truth about her sexual preferences sets her free.
In a moment of inevitable confrontation between Romy’s husband, Jacob (Antonio Banderas), and her lover, Samuel (Harris Dickinson), Jacob tries to convince Samuel that Romy has used and exploited him as an older, more powerful woman. Samuel calmly retorts that because Jacob has an outdated view of sexuality, he cannot understand their relationship. Through this misunderstanding between generations, the film signals that it isn’t your typical erotic thriller from thirty years ago. Challenging ideas about what constitutes pathological sexual behavior, Babygirl insists that the woman with non-normative desires is no longer the manic, knife-wielding Alex Forrest. Instead, she’s the cool-headed, nurturing Romy Mathis who offers you frozen peas to soothe the wounds you acquire while fighting for her.
Another notable tension between generations occurs as Romy’s young assistant, Esme (Sophie Wild), demands that the company embrace a mission to hire and uplift female leaders. Towards the film’s conclusion, Esme forces Romy to present herself as a feminist role model who won’t let down the younger generation of ambitious women who idolize her by flaunting her affair with an intern, thereby behaving like a stereotypical male CEO. If this “thriller” has any genuine moments of blackmail, it comes from Esme, who, even while threatening Romy, does so in order to help her succeed. In this way, Reijn flips the script of the erotic thriller again, depriving her audience of dirty female rivalry, notoriously depicted in movies like Single White Female.
The thrills in Babygirl are purposefully understated as Reijn focuses on Romy’s acceptance of herself and her sexual passions, which, in the end, don’t blow up her life. These passions also don’t satisfy the voyeuristic desires of the stereotypical erotic-thriller-loving audience, who might begrudge the film for its lack of extortion, gore, excessive nudity, and psychopaths. Even the title, Babygirl, is meant to betray tenderness, not menace.
As an erotic-thriller-loving audience member, I wouldn’t have blamed Reijn if she had rehashed the hackneyed motifs of this genre. However, the pleasure and genius of this film is that it gives us something different. Moreover, it is beautifully executed with handheld shots that don’t promote vertigo and a soundtrack that never takes you out of the tense ecstasy the film exhibits through Romy’s grunting, reluctant orgasms.
Additionally, Harris Dickinson kills it as the poorly-dressed and boyishly awkward sexual healer with a ponderously bad but sexy haircut. While the movie makes you anxious with the expectation that Samuel is always about to take Romy down, the dust settles with them on equal footing. Both remain uncertain about each other and fumbling with their intimacy. To this end, during a scene in which Romy and Samuel play and dance to George Michael’s “Father Figure,” the movie leaves you pondering who the father figure is supposed to be, Romy or Samuel.
If you haven’t seen the film yet, leave your expectations for a redux of Dressed to Kill at the door. Allow Reijn to show you what a new age of erotic cinema looks like. After that, if you still hate it, fine. Just don’t hate it because it’s not the overplayed and dated erotic thriller you were expecting.
In Which I Revive a Letter-Writing Practice to the Dead As an Excuse to Rant about the Last Five Years
Dear Don,
After you took your life in early December 2019 in a tent in the frozen high prairie of Vedauwoo National Park, Wyoming, my first mournful impulse was to write letters to you.1 At first, these letters tried to make sense of your existence, the interwovenness of our lives, your death wish, and the events leading up to your life-taking. Since the COVID-19 pandemic erupted right at the heels of my grief, my writings also unpacked how you might have responded to this crisis.
You wanted the world to do better, and, for a minute during government-enforced city lockdowns, it felt like society was glimpsing a new world after a radical social restructuring. The pandemic necessitated Economic Impact Payments from the US government and enrolled many citizens into Medicaid. It was also a period of the resurgence of Black Lives Matter, spurred, of course, by an uptick in police killings of Black people. Many hoped these deaths wouldn’t be in vain as BLM ignited national discussions about the corruption and violence of the police and a desire to defund them.
Additionally, people weren’t required to give so much of their time and lives to a workplace as they worked from home or were furloughed. Some were forgiven for defaulting on rent and mortgage payments. Others flatly refused to pay rent at all. There were even talks of canceling student loan debt.
I know I have your attention now. Many of these previously unlivable conditions—student loan debt, unaffordable rent, giving your time and best years of your life to your employer—were factors that instigated your deep disdain for life and possibly influenced your suicide.
Of course, the beginning of the pandemic was never completely utopic. People, especially young people, were crippled by the stress and trauma of severe isolation. Suicide rates among the youth were escalating before COVID-19 and continue to increase. People who felt despair similar to your own were pushed to their brink after obligatory quarantine. But this despair was markedly different from yours, too. Loneliness and isolation were not the predominant circumstances forcing you to an early grave. After all, the year before you died, you placed yourself on house arrest in your parent’s basement in Cheyenne, Wyoming—the most forlorn state with the highest suicide rates.
If you had survived the early years of the pandemic—and the socialism-lite of the US government as it momentarily provided for its populace through hardship—you wouldn’t have lasted much longer. By 2023, we were on the other side of the instant global emergency the virus sparked, but, despite the relinquishing of government aid and implementation of mask-banning legislation, we still haven’t left it behind us. Instead, we left behind the momentum to push through social change as hope was deferred–even spurned–by the people with enough wealth and authority to push it past bureaucratic barricades.
The police weren’t defunded, but cop cities—police training campuses—rolled out across the nation. People went back to a broken healthcare system where insurance denials and high prescription drug costs kill in an absurdly for-profit enterprise. Rent and home loan percentages went up and are rising as large investors buy up more and more housing stock. Student loan debt wasn’t canceled; it probably never will be. The conservative super majority overturned Roe v. Wade. Let me repeat that: Abortion is now illegal or greatly limited in many states. And, as will come as no surprise to anyone paying attention to these developments, authoritarianism across the entire world is expanding while democracies dwindle.
Apathetically looking to 2025 in January, we remain unsure about the amelioration of inflation due to price gouging, error-prone AI algorithms determining denial for medical claims, a surge in book bans as the far Right censors critical race and queer theories, and a beyond horrific genocide in Palestine funded with an unprecedented amount of US tax dollars.
I’ve remarked to many of our shared friends that if you hadn’t yet killed yourself, the extension of US war-mongering and imperialist presence in the Middle East, bolstering Israeli apartheid and its ongoing project to exterminate Palestinians and Arabs, would have been the very last straw. These events would have confirmed for you that there is nothing to witness here but the death and destruction deliberately fueled by the sliver of the population that profits from such disasters, natural or otherwise. 2
But then, with the very recent widespread approval of Luigi Magione’s assassination of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson—prompting a national discussion about how lethal US health insurance companies are—would you change your mind again? Would you have been roused to “fuck around and find out” (a kids-these-days saying that didn’t yet exist for you)? I have to admit that occurrences like this one, which has united communities otherwise at odds in terms of their social-political identities, give me a lot of hope. Maybe, eventually, our collective anger will set us free. Your anger, on the other hand, died with you in your selfish search for freedom.
These last five years have been too much of a rollercoaster of hope and disappointment to say for sure what may or may not have shortened or prolonged your life. Debating this is also moot since your scattered ashes are immune to my ploys to draw you back into (political) consciousness.
Nevertheless, I feel compelled to tell you about the Democratic party’s completed transformation as the new big-business-over-people Republican party, ensuring a win for Trump and his Project 2025 backers. Kamala Harris ran an arrogant presidential campaign, giving US citizens an ultimatum: Vote for me or lose democracy. Meanwhile, she cozied up with Dick and Liz Cheney for endorsements, reminded us about her proud gun ownership during an ongoing pandemic of school mass shootings, and kept repeating that she would ensure we have the “most lethal” military in the world even as we begged for an end to foreign wars and genocide. During her tone-deaf campaign speeches, she also coldly shut-up pro-Palestian protestors who could never dream of reaching an AIPAC-funded candidate anyway.
Considering that the Biden administration still has time but hasn’t made moves to forgive debts and push through pro-trans, pro-immigrant, and pro-abortion legislation, do you think anyone regrets abandoning the Democrats? In fact, at this moment, all Biden has done to preserve his legacy is pardon his son, which, granted, is a lot more understandable than his subsequent pardoning of a corrupt judge found guilty of sending innocent children to a for-profit prison.
None of this is to say that we would have been in a worse position if Harris had won. Trump is clearly the greater of two evils, planning to follow through on his campaign promises for immigrant mass deportations and new tariffs that will surely make inflation and the economy worse. For me, the scariest part is his eagerness to let a bunch of elitist billionaires with white supremacist, pro-natalist agendas flood the White House. Elon Musk, in his new official government role in the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE, get it? That has been around long enough for you to remember), is already working to chip away at social security benefits, starting with depriving veterans of healthcare.
Musk is not the only malignant tech mogul who supports Trump and JD Vance (the latter of who emerged on the national political scene by proclaiming that childless cat ladies shouldn’t have the right to vote). Silicon Valley comic-book-worthy villains Peter Thiel and Curtis Yarvin also support this incoming administration because it is their mission to infiltrate the government with people who want to destroy democracy, establish an anti-egalitarian techno-monarchy, and throw us all into the Dark Enlightenment.
Perhaps you remember Thiel as the hypersensitive billionaire who made it his mission to shut down Gawker—a former New York-based celebrity gossip blog—after they outed him as gay? He’s exactly the kind of misogynist, self-loathing gay man we would have taken a lot of pleasure in disparaging together. How can anyone listen to him talk about heteronormative futurity—saying that we need to have more children because of declining birth rates—and not also hear his glaring interest in propagating a slave class of un-woke, un-unionized workers to do his lordly bidding?
Yarvin is a more shadowy figure whose self-published philosophies under the pen name Mencius Moldbug on his former blog and current Substack have garnered admiration from JD Vance as well as Steve Bannon (you were around for the first Trump administration, so maybe you remember Bannon as the chief strategist who only lasted a few months before Trump dismissed him). I predict that Yarvin will be the target of a lot of Lord of the Rings memes, a text that he, like you, is obsessed with. Writer Corey Pein sums up this Tolkien obsession well:
[Like] many big race theorists in Silicon Valley Thiel and Yarvin adore J.R.R. Tolkien, which can be read as an epic glorification of a winner-take-all race war. Tolkien’s trilogy also conveniently doubles as a regressive fantasy universe where heroic Nordic souls either gain power by force or come into it via birthright—in both scenarios, a lineage that leaves them untroubled by the irksome niceties of democratic procedure.
Of course, your obsession with LOTR didn’t have to do with the rise of an ethnonational dictatorship. You just liked the idea of living in a hobbit home in the Shire with occasional jaunts to the achingly beautiful Lórien. I’m sure Lórien is exactly how you imagined the afterlife and one of the reasons you wanted to enter it so badly.
With 2025 just around the corner, it feels impossible to usher in this new year without reflecting on the last five years. Maybe for this reason, the year of your death feels closer in time than it is.
Don’t think that I have forgotten how much you hated current events. You were always violently opposed to being forced to participate in social-political phenomena. Once, on a road trip, I was driving and took control of the radio, landing on a news show. You protested with a surprising amount of passion, telling me you didn’t want to listen to it. You flipped off the radio. I flipped it back on. You screamed and violently pulled a hood over your head as you drew your knees to your chest and forced yourself to sleep.
It was a jarring exchange that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. Hearing about politics and war forced you to contend with a reality already dead to you, and I was the bully pushing you into a corner like a wild, trapped animal, reminding you that you couldn’t really escape it as long as you were alive.
Many of the events of the last five years have been fomenting for the few decades you were alive, and I know you would have paid as little attention to recent developments as you did the old ones. Yet, despite knowing that my musings would have fallen on deaf ears, I still force them upon you, trying to find a way to make you feel trapped here with me again.
If there is a circle of hell or purgatory that one goes to for suicide, I hope that, for you, it includes being forced to read my letters and contend with the world you left behind. You left as an act of resistance, expecting to bypass all hardships and lessons for enlightenment in a Lórien beyond. But, in my unprovable sense of metaphysics, I don’t think there is such a bypass. We are recycled, microscopic particles as old as our universe.
On some cellular level, you are out there, infinitely dispersed and contending with an evolution of the same horrors and injustices we all must endure. You are part of the epic unfolding of history whether you want to be or not. In this sense, as these events and stories continue to tell themselves, you, like the rest of us, still haven’t found freedom.
Donald Graham Hershey legally changed his name To Damien Moreau in 2017. In previous social media posts and a private blog, I have been calling Don by the name Damien even though he existed for much longer as Don. I am continually torn about how to address him. When I address him as Damien, I imagine I am addressing his dark side. Damien turned toward despair and death. Don, on the other hand, was full of light, naivete, and life. For these reasons, I’ve been trying to think of him as Don again, a version of himself that represents him at his best. ↩︎
I have other posts about Palestine here and here. ↩︎
A Book Review of Karl Ove Knausgaard’s The Morning Star
Whenever I finish reading a long novel at lightning speed, my immediate thought is that what I read was good because it held my attention so well. But maybe, having found it so hard to get back into reading after finishing my graduate degree in English literature, when I do find myself reading again, I scarf down the literature like a starving dog offered the blandest commercial pet food. Whether I was just hungering to get wrapped up in Karl Ove Knaugaard’s The Morning Star or found it genuinely and enjoyably captivating, I’m still unsure.
The Morning Star was an impulsive selection off the shelf at the Albuquerque Public Library. After lecturing myself about needing to read more contemporary fiction–to scratch a sociological if not literary itch to discover what people read nowadays–I thought, “Why not this?” In other words, it was an arbitrary decision.
I had heard of Knausgaard but had never read anything from his My Struggle autofiction series. I have no interest. Men’s autobiographical writing has never appealed to me, especially when so arrogantly titled.
Men’s writing in any genre doesn’t appeal to me. This statement isn’t misandrist for two reasons: First, misandry doesn’t exist, just like color blindness and racism against white people doesn’t exist. Second, general fatigue for narratives regarding a man’s struggle should have set in for all of us a while ago–it’s the rightful burden of having the most privileged and ubiquitous point of view.
We have been inundated with tales of men’s travails for millennia, from Odysseyus’s bachelor-esque boat-party adventure, to the passionate masochism of Christ, to Don Quixote’s windmill hunting, to Hamlet’s mopey theatrics, to Kafka’s cockroach drag . . . It’s not trite feminism to call out the Western canon of literature for being boring when we keep reproducing and glorifying the same things ad nauseam.
Well, “boring” isn’t exactly the right word. It’s hackneyed, and despite this, it is seductive as hell. We easily get caught up in meditations about the universal experiences that make us all human–affairs that survive the test of time and continue to shape the world and how we see ourselves. But therein lies the violence. This longstanding production of normativity has us believing that the struggle of the Eurocentric patriarch is the universal struggle. My struggle, which I hope is also our struggle, is having no place to escape this form of storytelling.
Speaking of being seductive as hell, The Morning Star is about the seduction of hell and reveries of the afterlife. As a mysterious new star appears in the sky over Norway, one of the characters reminds us that the Bible refers to Jesus and Satan alike as the “bright morning star.” With this thought in mind, the plot ambiguously unfolds around the uncertainty of this celestial event as either a harbinger of good or evil, life or death.
Considering that mad people and ghosts continuously warn the living “you are doomed” throughout the novel, we might conclude that things are not so good. But Knausgaard’s point, I think, is that these binaries of light/dark, good/evil, and heaven/hell are murkily intertwined in inscrutable ambivalence–which doesn’t make it any less cliche. This point is underscored by scenes of literal or metaphorical purgatory as the dying are stuck between life and death or characters simply disappear from the text, having no more “life” in the plot while existing somewhere off the page.
Knausgaard doesn’t hide his philosophical and theological preoccupations from his readers. We might even say he’s heavy-handed. The final chapter of the novel is an essay, “On Death and the Dead,” by the character Egil, a middle-aged documentary filmmaker. The book’s “Credits” serve as this essay’s bibliography as much as the novel’s, citing Aristotle, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, and a few more great Western thinkers of death and its dance with life.
Man has surely been long interested in death, the devil, and the afterlife. We could cite Dante’s trip to hell in the Inferno, Bosch’s depictions of earthly sins that make the world itself look like hell, and sympathy for the devil in Milton’s Paradise Lost. Lars von Trier’s recent film The House that Jack Built is an homage to depictions of hell throughout the centuries. Hell has an undeniable literary-aesthetic appeal. It’s riveting stuff, making Knausgaard’s creepy and gory intervention into this conversation enthralling.
Yet, stepping back for perspective after reading the last page–which could not coincidentally be page 666–I wouldn’t argue that it’s a unique or necessary contemplation on these themes. And it lacks any obvious intellectual-theoretical innovation.
Rather than enticing us with novelty, the novel rehashes the traditional artistic and academic depictions of death and dying that we have always found intriguing. Moreover, it is very much obsessed with Man’s death. It doesn’t matter that many female characters focalize chapters in the novel or that Knausgaard is convincing when offering their perspectives. The parts women play at the onset of the apocalypse are engulfed in the universal idea of human experience, following the template of neoliberal Enlightenment thinking about who and what comprises the Human, which Leonardo da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man emblematizes. Visions of the devil and the afterlife spring directly from a history of Man’s contemplations of the end times.
Reading the blurbs on the back of the novel, critics triumph Knaugaard for his ability to capture the depth of the quotidian, glossing over the deeply supernatural focus of this book. They praise Kanusgaard for keeping us rapt by life’s banalities as if this novel were another installment of his autofiction.
Zadie Smith notes: “Every detail is put down without apparent vanity or decoration, as if the writing and living are happening simultaneously.” Jeffery Eugenides calls the novel “experimental,” adding that it underlines “the sheer sense of how amazing it is to be alive, on this planet and no other.” James Wood claims that the author gives “voice to universal anxieties” and that his spotlight on the ordinary is “momentous . . . because it happens in the course of a life, and happens, in different forms, to everyone.”
In other words, Knausgaard nails the universal human experience. However, to dispute Wood, he cannot master a form of universal storytelling and reveal how life “happens, in different forms,” to everyone at the same time. For Knausgaard, life seems to happen to various people in the same way, in the same place, at the same time. It’s hard to praise him for his diversity or for making the every day feel somehow new or extraordinary.
If the devil is in Knausgaard’s details, then the many characters who wipe their mouths with the backs of their hands after they have a “slurp” of beer and then leave to have a piss only contribute to a canned choreography that makes reality feel more like a simulation. Despite emphasizing the life of his characters by focusing on the impending doom of their deaths, Knausgaard creates characters that read like the undead, going through the same motions of ignorant, body-having mortality while unable to live meaningfully distinct lives.
Nevertheless, like a bafflingly addictive Netflix series, I stayed immersed in the humdrum world Knausgaard created despite his killing off more than one cat in it. By the end, I felt led by temptation into the depths of a Knausgaardian netherworld, uncertain if I was more annoyed at him or myself for this folly. Maybe Knausgaard himself is like Lucifer, a bright light you can’t look away from, suspending you between your opposing desires for something new and surprising, and old and familiar.
Before Christmas, I had the pleasure of spending a night at the Mabel Dodge Luhan House in Taos, New Mexico, and have written about it for Southwest Contemporary. Luhan was a writer and wealthy patron of the arts from upstate New York. She moved to Taos at the beginning of the 20th century, divorcing her third husband, who had lured her there, and marrying her fourth and final husband, Tony Lujan, from Taos Pueblo. Mabel and Tony spent the rest of their lives together in the “Big House,” the sprawling adobe structure they erected, which now exists as a three-star hotel and resort.
The article won’t tell you that I saw Santa Claus and Kit Carson serving hot cider outside of the Kit Carson Museum on Kit Carson Road. It also doesn’t mention that I was taking a photography class and was running around taking bad pictures with a rented DSLR Canon, including of the bighorn sheep crossing the hiking trails near the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge, which my grandfather helped engineer during his long stint working for the New Mexico highway department. I also made my partner pose among the white paint on white canvas in the white cube gallery space at the Harwood Museum, where the abstract expressionist work of Agnes Martin is on permanent display.
Before retiring to the Nicolai Fechin room at the Luhan House, I went to a “Meet the Donkey” party in Talpa, a sort of artist-cowboy debutante ball for a Jerusalem donkey named Minister. Its owner uses Minister as a source of transportation, riding him down the busy Paseo Del Pueblo Sur to Smith’s grocery store.
I also ran into old friends from Taos and met new ones, including a Palestinian woman from New York who finds herself in rural New Mexico learning about historical and enduring community irrigation systems—the same kind you see at the Georgia O’Keefe House in Abiquiu. This system fed her flourishing secret garden, which the Georgia O’Keefe Museum in Santa Fe maintains, fully restored to its former glory.
There’s something to say about this Palestinian woman working on community water irrigation in relation to the water scarcity and the mass forced starvation of Palestinians in Gaza. But I’ll leave those dots hanging in the air for you to connect.
The next morning, at a long banquet table in the dining room of the Luhan House, I met an elderly woman who identified herself as a writer, proudly beaming that she was staying in Mabel’s room. Outlining her latest manuscript, a historical account of a 19th-century Virginian woman’s integration into the Swanee tribe, I nodded my head, affirming the fitness of her pursuits in relation to her affinity for Mabel.
Reluctantly, I admitted to her that I write as well. Instead of asking me what I write, however, she asked me about what I was reading. When I told her Second Place (2021) by Rachel Cusk, she raised her eyebrows in non-recognition.
“It’s loosely based on Mabel and her memoir, Lorenzo In Taos–about D.H. Lawrence’s visit to this house in 1922,” I clarified.
In her New Yorker review of Second Place, Rebecca Panovka rightfully criticizes Cusk’s simplified version of Lorenzo in Taos, which renders Tony an adopted child of uncertain ethnicity. By deracinating Tony, Cusk glosses over the complicated relationship Mabel and he shared. Mulling over the sudden rise of interest in a divisive figure like Luhan after the 2021 publications of Cusk’s novel and a new biography of D.H. Lawrence, Panovka bitingly concludes: “Not every forgotten woman is in need of a bio-pic.”
Yet, when I visit Taos, immersing myself in its dramatic landscape, I find myself in a position similar to Luhan’s, wanting to establish roots here and build a creatively fulfilling life. While watching the sunsets over the mountains and hearing the grass rustle over uninterrupted prairies of undeveloped, Pueblo-protected land, no amount of rationality and education in social politics helps me see this place as anything but mystical and available to me, too.
Returning to Taos always feels like returning home, and this desire to belong to a community that continues to grow and gentrify and push my artist friends to the brink of their ability to survive there makes me feel guilty. In my article, I write about this guilt, connected to the history of Western expansion and exploitative modernist art-making in the region.
However, in this piece, I also neglect to inform you that I lived in Taos from August 2017 to August 2018. Fleeing the East Coast, and, although I didn’t realize it at the time, also a long-term relationship and my life in academia, I joined my best friend, Damien Moreau, in Valdez on the outskirts of Taos, where he had secured a house to rent on a cliff in Gallina Canyon right next to the D.H. Lawrence Ranch.
I’ve often referred to this year as a life highlight and consider Taos one of my favorite places to live. It’s complicated and bittersweet to admit as much, though. Damien was in a steep slide down into a depressive state that he couldn’t overcome. I watched his character radically change under the murderous magenta sunsets over a mesa dusted with minty sagebrush. In December 2019, he succumbed to his stubborn death wish. I’ve written a lot about his suicide in a secret blog that is formed as a series of missives to him. Maybe I gave you access, and you have read it. At any rate, Taos can never fully be home for me again because it no longer exists on the same dimensional plane as Damien.
Although I ceased writing to Damien directly, I still think of topics for these letters to him. I’ve, of course, been angry at him and dismissive of his sincere desire to leave this planet, thinking that he was stronger and could have endured it better than he thought. But with the pandemic, rise of authoritarianism, burning of the planet due to climate change, increased legal protections for narcissistic, comic-book-villain billionaires, and genocide in Gaza, I’m not so sure.
This was not the introduction I intended to write for this article! But it is the one I have written. Although it has little to do with my essay’s contents, it feels right.
Please find a very different exploration of Taos and its history in Southwest Contemporaryhere.
You can also find a list of my other publications here.
And, if you haven’t subscribed to my Substack yet, please do so here.
Since I’m too lazy to add all of the footnotes and images to this article, please find the full, pretty version of my opinion piece on my Substack.
I am a non-expert with the same distance from this situation as many of you. I read and watch the same media that is baiting us to side with Israel and let the Israeli state broker justice.
I am not a Jew, Muslim, or Christian. However, I was raised in a Christian nation that has effectively segregated me from people who were not raised like me. I have many Jewish friends and know Israelis. I have zero Muslim friends and don’t know any Palestinians. I only recently learned that before the British colonized Palestine in 1917, Arab Muslims, Christians, and Jews lived there.
My voice is authentic in the sense that it is my own. I don’t claim to speak on behalf of the oppressed. I also don’t speak from a position of power because my words cannot motivate change. We’re all opining into a void, yet it still feels important because protesting the eradication of an entire country of people is important.
I have a lot of opinions about the recent, but far from extraordinary, violence between Hamas and the Israeli state. I am also educating myself as I think and write. While I’m not the best or most informed resource, I want to share what I learned after trying to make sense of rampant false and dangerously biased information.
On social media, a lot of grieving and terrified people are shutting down important conversations and debates by insisting that you are either pro-Israel or an antisemite. Let’s start here. Jewish people in the diaspora cannot and should not be conflated with Israel and Zionism. Seeing the Israeli state as the ultimate emblem of Jewishness promotes more antisemitism, which is why Jewish people in the United States are expressing fears of becoming targets for terrorism and hate crimes. I think these are legitimate concerns, but when someone insists it’s unethical to take the side of Palestine because it creates more danger for Jews, they are peddling unhelpful propaganda about Israeli innocence versus Palestinian guilt in order to justify genocide.
Moreover, supporting the Israeli state means conflating Hamas, the Sunni Islamicist militants governing the Gaza Strip, with the Palestinian people. This ideology, in turn, bolsters Islamophobia and violence against those perceived as Muslim.
My opposition to the Israeli state does not come from a place of antisemitism or detestation for the Israeli people. It should go without saying that you can be Jewish and against the Israeli state or that you can be a pro-Palestine, anti-Zionist Israeli. Many people identify in these ways.
I am against the Israeli state because I disagree with the Israeli occupation of Palestine. Additionally, I disagree with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu when he and his government label Palestinians as “human animals” and barbaric terrorists. These statements rationalize siege, genocide, and a war incorrectly imagined between Jews and Muslim fundamentalists.
In truth, radical political and religious standpoints motivate both of these factions. The difference is that Israel is a nuclear power that, since the 2006 rise of Hamas, has been sanctioned by most of the world to erect a fence around Gaza and control its border, including the movement and migration of its citizens and their already scarce access to shelter, electricity, food, and clean water. With the 1949 creation of the Gaza Strip, we’ve already long been convinced of Israeli innocence and Palestinian guilt. We’ve been primed to accept ethnic cleansing for decades.
Thus, while Hamas’ attack on Israel was unprecedented, it was hardly surprising. The ambushed Israeli citizens and their children existed on the other side of a wall where Palestinians and their children either survive another day of a brutal and illegal fifty-six-year occupation, or they don’t. It’s worth noting, too, that fifty percent of Gaza’s population is children, totaling one million.
After Hamas’ invasion, the media showed us the Israeli victims. We placed ourselves in their shoes, imagining the trauma of seeing our children shot and the fear of playing dead under a truck at a music festival. In this way, we forgot or neglected longstanding Palestinian victims of the Israeli state. We were tricked into conditional empathy, finding it harder to relate to and sympathize with the people who are not “us” or our allies.
Hamas’ attack on Israel should signal that a group of people have been pushed to the brink of desperation and the ability to survive. Instead of offering them help, though, we are going to agree that these “beasts” are a problem and global threat. We are going to sadly bow our heads as they are exterminated. For this reason, I feel compelled to take the side of Palestine.
It’s also important to acknowledge the role the United States plays in allowing injustice to flourish in the Gaza Strip, culminating with President Joe Biden’s support of Israel. By offering Israel military assistance, Biden will surely make a bad situation worse and implicate United States citizens in supporting mass atrocity.
I want to acknowledge further that I live and pay taxes in an imperial union of states that is no stranger to waging war on the Arab world. I vote after listening to bipartisan political debates through which either a Democrat or a Republican will win important political seats that impact national and global politics. We perceive these two groups to be in constant conflict. Yet, whoever you vote for will build a wall at the border with Mexico, keep people imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay, meekly condemn Putin, and allow the rich to get richer while the poor get poorer.
I live on occupied land that has never belonged to me. My country imprisons, terrorizes, and kills people of color and members of the queer community who are citizens by name but not fully recognized or protected as citizens in practice. I am also a pseudo-citizen as a woman in a culture that condones violence against women and who is not guaranteed full and safe reproductive health care, including abortion.
From this standpoint, I offer an impotent personal statement, sharing with other people who have no power how I deplore and do not consent to the dehumanization of Palestinians and their ethnic cleansing.
For less politics and more art, find my publications here.
A Day Well Spent With Byron Seeley of Monk King Bird Pottery
I left Lander, Wyoming at the end of August, running away from another Fremont County winter. Slowly making my way to Albuquerque, I visited Byron T. Seeley, proprietor of Monk King Bird Pottery. You can read about him, his shop, and Jeffery City in the article I wrote for Southwest Contemporary.
Here’s a small excerpt:
Despite local interest in him as an artist and muse, internet searches provide scant documentation of Seeley beyond some travel blog posts and YouTube videos, including one where he takes “pot shots”—shooting his work with a gun. You also won’t find much information about Jeffery City, the former uranium mining town in Central Wyoming that boomed in the 1950s and busted in the 1980s, holding onto a paltry population of twenty-two.
Sometimes passersby mistake Seeley’s shop for a restaurant since one of his signs reads “Home of the Primordial Soup Dish.” The dish, in fact, is a plate he makes using the same multi-clay technique as his mugs. “They’re my Moby Dick,” he jokes, admitting that he has none for sale due to the difficulty of stripping the surface layer and polishing the clay with steel wool without puncturing it.
Pondering the mascots and monikers surrounding Seeley—cowboy, mad potter, jailbird, abstinent monk, and muse—he strikes me as best represented by a tumbleweed–blown into one dusty Western town after the next, attracting interest and curiosity. In a similar vein, Seeley reminds me of the Dude from The Big Lebowski (1998), which opens with the song “Tumbling Tumbleweeds,” following one of the sagebrush before introducing us to the film’s protagonist, a Gen-X hippy with a zen-like level of chill. While Seeley’s equanimity makes him guru-like, and perhaps also fails to shield him from the hyperbolic chaos and evil of the world according to the Coen brothers, he certainly doesn’t share the Dude’s lazy lack of production. And, you can’t placate him with a white Russian.
Read the full article here. Check out a full list of my publications here.
Sitting forgotten on an unmarked county road on the East side of Highway 487, you probably won’t find Shirley Basin, Wyoming, a uranium mine ghost town founded nearly seventy years ago. Its remote coordinates place it beyond unimpeded prairie hills, thirty miles north of Medicine Bow and sixty-seven miles south of Casper. If discovered, your reward is an eyeful of unhurriedly toppling structures, letting you witness over three decades of ongoing decay and abandonment.
As Hyperlink artists Theresa Anderson, Alicia Ordal, and Julie Puma erected their mixed-media sculptures in the only copse of still-standing trailers, the town blossomed under returned human interest.
These artists traveled from Denver to participate in Re-Activate, a group show in collaboration with the Land Report Collective, which shares Hyperlink’s mission to meaningfully unite artists with various communities. Including geographically dispersed members from Colorado, Georgia, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Washington, Wyoming, and more, these collectives also seek to connect creatives across physical and digital boundaries and barriers.
On my own unguided treasure hunt for art, I found a small, windowless white building with an attached cylindrical metal tower, I trepidatiously tip-toed through the open door next to Patrick Kikut’s Snowman Hospice and Wellness billboard (2020), with a snowman advertising ice cream in Laramie, Wyoming. Although I wasn’t trespassing, I felt like an intruder needing a hazmat suit to explore the depths of this miniature Chernobyl. Yet no uranium was mined and no nuclear reactors exploded in this spot.
Inside were tall boxes with switches, dials, and gauges–clunky technology from a bygone telecommunications era. A disorderly vomit of binders and files spilled across the floor. Above me hung Daisy McGowan’s Biopsychosocial (all works 2023 unless otherwise noted), a disco ball, which, at night, scatters luminescent confetti onto an uninviting dance floor.
Their gusto made me wish that I, too, was an artist invited to visually convey my perverse fascination with a place still bearing the scars of economic, ecological, and industrial devastation. Instead, I shared their productive curiosity about Shirley Basin and their excitement for an exhibition that compellingly blurs the distinction between art and detritus.
Check out the full article and find a list of all of my publications here.
Recently I reached out to a flash fiction publication, paying them a small fee for their editors’ feedback on my draft. I wasn’t expecting publication—I was expecting justified rejection and a smidgen of pounding, anxiety-fueled cardiac activity to remind me that I wasn’t writing into a void. Someone out there would brutally engage with my work even if I had to pay them for the privilege.
After a few weeks, I got the anticipated rejection with flummoxing comments. Their decline to publish me didn’t smart as much as their flippant perusal of the 831 words I sent fortheirthoughtful review.
Yet, pausing in my self-righteousness, I wondered if their collective misreading of what I sent them was my fault. Am I just bad at accepting criticism?
This experience reminded me of a moment in graduate school. At my institution, the students received letters at the end of the year detailing how the department’s faculty viewed their performance. My letters were always considerate, and I actually looked forward to them. One year, though, with a new head of the department, I received comments that didn’t reflect how I viewed myself and my progress in the program.
The letter was collated by a professor who gave me a difficult time in their class. During their course, I was repeatedly reminded that my writing, in-class participation, and presentations were lacking. In a panic, I completed all extra credit assignments (which they instated to help struggling students—me—bolster their flagging participation) with little acknowledgment and no improvement to my grade. Effectively, by the end of the term, I was too scared and bewildered to speak, and my confidence in my writing was shattered.
Such abusive student-teacher dynamics recur as an unfortunate trope of old-school academic hierarchy and gatekeeping—a form of hazing and shaming that masquerades as an earnest interest in the student’s success and flourishing. Of course, it’s also a trope in literature and film: from the emerging artist-protagonists in the novels of James Joyce and Elif Batuman to the high-pressure, sadomasochistic High Art environments surrealistically depicted in Darren Aronofsky’s Black Swan and Todd Field’s Tár. (In case you missed it, I wrote about Tár here).
Despite this isolated occurrence, my experience in graduate school was better than most. My advisors were wonderful people who supported me and my work, and I still keep in touch with them. If it were not for these advisors and a student cohort assuring me that I was being treated somewhat unfairly, I probably would have suffered my own cinematic breakdown in my dealings with this one person.
To be a scholar, writer, artist, professional, and human is to ceaselessly dabble in rejection. I’ve been thinking about this vulnerability a lot in my recent pivot to writing—creative writing and fine art review. In whatever field we pursue—even before we are green-lit to pursue it, undergoing job searches, applications, and interviews—we constantly face evaluation.
Sometimes the feedback we receive stings but helps us grow and improve. At other times, glib critique unjustly gaslights us, ejecting us into existential, cavernous self-doubt. But, how do we tell the difference between “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and “what doesn’t kill you gave you its best shot?” Or, between helpful and harmful critique? I’m not going to attempt to answer these questions here. Instead, I’m posing them while also conjecturing that our culture demands we deal with judgment and rejection without also teaching us how to use it. Additionally, we are offered few resources for how to ethically and beneficially assess others, either professionally or personally.
As someone who reviews the artworks of others, dealing with a sometimes excruciating and inscrutable mix of cultural production and ego, I’ve been contemplating how to justly present an artist’s blood-sweat-and-tears to other viewers to prompt deeper analytical contemplation and appreciation. Considering the tension between the creator’s intent and the viewer’s experience, I inevitably—and unintentionally—make people feel bad when I highlight the tensions between these two perspectives.
Artists want to be seen just as much (if not more) than everyone else, and it is universally devastating to have your work misread or to discover that your objectives do not translate. To that end, I try to honestly engage with people’s artistic productions, following the golden principle of offering the kind of feedback I myself would most appreciate. Yet, you can’t make everyone happy—especially people who seek nothing more than undaunting praise.
As a writer, as opposed to a visual artist, I also think about the different opportunities I have to exhibit my work to any audience at all. A piece of writing, requiring the “arduous” act of reading, takes more perceived effort than an art piece, requiring the “passive” act of looking. The issue is debatable, but, in my opinion, they take the same amount of critical ability and labor.
Moreover, an essay or story is not something you can slap onto the exposed brick wall of a cafe, asking $500 or the best offer for it. I guess Substack is supposed to be this figurative gallery wall, but for a no-name author like me who bulks at amassing a hefty social media following through perpetual networking and self-promotion, getting readers, let alone paying subscribers, overwhelms and disheartens me.
(These observations present another tangent that I’ll only briefly introduce: the idea of whose art or writing is deemed worthy enough by who for mass consumption.)
Even if my writing is indeed curated for paid publication, anyone’s sincere appreciation of it remains mysterious to me. For example, if you “like” my social media post announcing my latest publication, your support doesn’t guarantee your thorough engagement. And so, we circle back to my feelings of toiling for the void and the void alone, and my baseline desire for comprehensive rejection.
With the conclusion of this long preamble, I’m going to share the flash fiction I submitted with the hope that it reaches a wider, more interested audience (even just one pensive reader). Alongside the initial draft, I’m sharing the conversation that ensued with the editors and the piece I revised based on this experience.
Chim Chim Cher-ee
So that’s what it feels like to time travel, she thought, struggling to open the door that didn’t stick before. A wet hiss filled the dark-tarred street with colorless liquid. “It’s just your coolant,” a nearby voice assured. Was there a shriek of crashing steel? Or was it a gentle crumple like recycling a can? She looked around for the witness and found no one. Inside her ears, a faint, piercing tinnitus without memory. The airbag, a paratrooper’s deflated canopy. Faulty, she observed, feeling her sternum before pulling at her collar to peer inside. No bruise. A dull, soothing alarm chim chimmed, falsely chiming its signal to the police, the fire department, the hospital. Someone will be here soon and tell you what to do. In shock, she believed her own fantasy. Sitting in someone’s yard, she pulled up large yellow clods. She lifted the hollow tube of a dandelion stem to her nose, snuffing its bitterness, cold and damp on the rim of her nostril. Frozen in this tableau, the police appeared and told her to call her insurance company.
“How did you find out about me, Sharee?”
She didn’t correct him about her name, which was not even close to “Sharee.” Did he mean chéri, as in, “mon chéri?” A coldness filled her veins as she contemplated both possibilities.
“I can’t remember exactly. Some friend?” She remembered the exact person but withheld the information, regretting the referral.
“And the pain? It began after the accident?” he asked as he led her through a sunlit living room with greige carpeting, greige plastered walls, greige couch. Unblemished and gleaming, the upholstery chirped as she brushed against it. She shielded her eyes in the kitchen, adjusting to the glaring linoleum. Has someone died here? Why else would it be so disturbingly clean? Scanning the white grout between the tiles for imperceptible specks of the victim’s DNA, her gaze finally locked on his. Greg’s eyes glowed from the shining bald orb of his head, teeth flashing from a fleshy mouth. He’s the wolf, unwigged, and I’m Little Rear-ended–
“–nude.”
“Excuse me?” she gulped in his face, too close to hers.
“It’s easier if you take off all of your clothes.”
Absently nodding to his request, she sniffed loudly and puckered. Greg wilted self-consciously. “It’s Chinese medicine. We can discuss herbal remedies after your session.”
Shallowing her breath, she attempted to categorize the odor–not quite sweet, not quite earthy–an alien acridness. Face down, like a patient etherized on a startlingly white sheet, the aroma emanated from the polished glass jars, the dusted blinds, the sanitized massage table. She blinked through the portal of the headrest. A rabbit hole too small to fit through, it stretched out her face, and the inversion drained her sinuses. Beads of snot pat, patted the ground. The door clicked open. The door rattled shut. Greg’s palm, as disturbingly smooth as she expected it, pressed into her.
“My low back is very sensitive,” she reminded him as he, like an elf in a secret factory, took a small mallet and tap, tapped at the slender nails he placed at her sacrum. Greg grunted as she tensed, hammering harder.
“Relax, relax.”
A knot grew and spread, covering the base of her spine, irradiating out like stinging mycelium.
“Is this supposed to hurt?” she couldn’t feel the shape of her words.
It’s not. Relax. Not. Relax. Better. Help. Relax. His response, the needle sliding off the edge of a record like a ship on the periphery of flat Earth. Turn it over. Turn it over. Now. Please. Now. Turn. Turn it over. Tur-n. Tur-n. Tur-n. Fff-p. Fff-p. Fff-p.
So this is what the void is like, she didn’t think just then. Later she would close her eyes, and politely ask her consciousness to leave, waiting for that high to return and make her feel as vacant as she did the first time. You’re looking up at the dark dome of a planetarium, she would daily guide herself in meditation. You hear the whispered murmuring. Then silence as dots of light emerge. Speeds and comets of light, blue, pink, orange, white, white, white, breaking through to the other side of nothing. She would always remember and covet the void’s perfection.
How irritating to be called back now. Blank eternity. Sleep. Home. Stay. Stay home. This was peace. Peace. Rest in peace. Rest. Miss. Rest. Miss Rest. Miss–
“–West? Ms. West?”
Back into the blazing greige, the suck of her skin ripping off the vinyl headrest.
“Don’t! Don’t turn over! There’s still a needle–” Greg plucked an imaginary splinter. “Slowly, now. You were out for a while.”
Her whole body tingled with stupid, too-easily-relinquished life. How disappointing, being saved by this Bluebeard. Animosity filled her as she crouched on hands and knees, breasts hanging, sinuses still purging, her whole face flooded with despondency crusting into salt, hardening, tightening, itching–sensating with reminders of her animation, a writhing ball chained to this world.
From: —
To: Gina Pugliese
Subject: Your Submission
Dear Gina,
Thank you for your submission of “Chim Chim Cher-ee” to — . We gave your work careful consideration. Though we are not accepting it for publication, we hope you find a better fit for it elsewhere.
Because you have requested feedback, I’ve included comments from three of our senior editors below. Apologies for sending a few days later than promised—this is due to staff illness.
1. This is an interesting story but I found myself a little lost in this world. I would consider more transitions (from the accident to the medical office in particular was jarring). There was a familiarity between her and Greg but I wasn’t sure what their history was. I’d consider adding more details about the protagonist’s life so readers can better understand what she’s apparently trying to escape.
2. This is confident writing at sentence level and the scenes are vividly drawn. I’d love to get more of a sense of what it was in the protagonist’s life beyond this incident that was driving her response to the experiences of the story.
3. An interesting alternative world is built here. I got a little lost in the transitions and think the whole story could be slowed down a bit. I’d also like to know the narrator’s relationship to Greg, as she seems to know him from prior visits or is it from the other world? It would also be great to know the narrator’s drive to time travel. Is she searching for something? Longing to understand something in both the present and future?
Thanks again for trusting us with your work, and thank you for reading SmokeLong Quarterly. Our story archive is available free to read online.
All the best,
. . .
From: Gina Pugliese
To: —
Subject: Your — Submission
Thank you for reviewing my story and providing feedback. Some of the comments, including slowing the story down and adding more details about the protagonist’s life, I will seriously consider in my revision. However, most of the feedback provided left me feeling like the editors did not carefully read the story at all. The comments regarding Greg and the protagonist’s previous relationship (when there clearly wasn’t one) and the idea that the “time travel” alluded to in the opening is more than a metaphor make me think that they quickly skimmed my piece. These criticisms do not even fit the story I sent. In truth, I feel ripped off, if not a bit scammed, and will probably decline to seek you out for further submission, feedback, and instruction.
Best,
Gina
From: —
To: Gina Pugliese
Subject: Your — Submission
Hi, Gina!
Thank you for this feedback. After having read the story a few times, I agree with the editors’ comments about the transition from the accident scene to what seems to be a massage therapist’s home. It is jarring, especially because the reader has to at first figure out who’s speaking. The way the massage therapist’s name is introduced, because the narrative is in close third person, makes his character feel more familiar to Cheri than he actually is, and I’m sure this is what caused the editors to seek a previous relationship despite the dialogue indicating, in my opinion, that this is her first visit to his home.
There is just enough language in the text about time travel that I too did indeed think this story had a “real” element of time travel. Readers do not come to a text with the author’s intention in mind. I know it’s irritating to hear it, but if four editors who read tens of thousands of stories each year all have the same opinion about something, it might be a good idea to at least consider it. Starting with the question “So that’s what it feels like to time travel” will lead readers to consider that this story just might be about time travel–because the reader trusts you. And then she goes on, through the third-person narrator, to be disappointed that the massage therapist is somehow pulling her back to “this world”.
I’m sorry that you didn’t receive the feedback you expected, and I’m happy to refund your money if you have a Paypal account I can send it to.
All the best,
. . .
From: Gina Pugliese
To: —
Subject: Your — Submission
Hi, —!
I really can’t stress enough how grateful I am that all of you took some time with my story. I’m not asking for a refund because I respect the time you’ve taken. I’m really not trying to be that person. I guess I just wanted to give you some counter-feedback, and I also don’t want to sound defensive about it. Perhaps, to clarify my complaint, it would be more helpful if the editors provided feedback about being confused or unclear about language, context, transitions, or whatever without making assumptions about the plot that sound like glib misreadings (to a writer who has read too much Derrida to believe that the author has any claim to how the story is interpreted).
Thanks,
Gina
Chim Chim Cher-ee
So that’s what it feels like to time travel, she thought, struggling to open the door that didn’t stick before. A wet hiss filled the dark-tarred street with colorless liquid. “It’s just your coolant,” a nearby voice assured. Was there a shriek of crashing steel? Or was it a gentle crumple like recycling a can? She looked around for the witness and found no one. Inside her ears, a faint, piercing tinnitus without memory. The airbag, a paratrooper’s deflated canopy. Faulty, she observed, feeling her sternum before pulling at her collar to peer inside. No bruise. A dull, soothing alarm chim chimmed, falsely chiming its signal to the police, the fire department, the hospital. Someone will be here soon and tell you what to do. In shock, she believed her own fantasy. Sitting in someone’s yard, she pulled up large yellow clods. She lifted the hollow tube of a dandelion stem to her nose, snuffing its bitterness, cold and damp on the rim of her nostril. Frozen in this tableau, the police appeared and told her to call her insurance company.
Days passed. Weeks. The pop and crunch of her bones ripped through her chiropractor’s office. Her boss raised sharply angled ombre eyebrows at her requests for time off.
“Have you thought about acupuncture? For the pain? I know someone. Someone good. He works out of his home,” her boss suggested.
She didn’t feel pain. She felt a disturbing numbness. The accident rattled loose a long-dormant existential dissatisfaction inside her, crouching somewhere in a dark corner of her psyche. Her mind was, for the first time, acutely aware of the corpse encasing it, taking offense to the monotonous, unfulfilling tasks asked of it by people like the boss. She said nothing as her boss’s bejeweled, pointed fingernails fished out a crumpled business card from her purse like a claw closing around a prize in a crane game: Greg Lee H.H.P., C.H.
***
“How did you find out about me, Sharee?”
The door sprang open before she fully depressed the doorbell. Startled, she didn’t correct Greg about her name, which was not “Sharee,” not even close. Did he mean cherie, as in, “ma cherie?” A coldness filled her veins as she contemplated both possibilities–being misnamed or endeared to by this complete stranger.
“I can’t remember exactly.” Immediately regretting the referral, she didn’t mention her boss. She didn’t want to know the intimate history between Greg and the boss.
“And the pain? It began after the accident?” he asked as he led her through a sunlit living room with greige carpeting, greige plastered walls, greige couch. Unblemished and gleaming, the upholstery chirped as she brushed against it. She shielded her eyes in the kitchen, adjusting to the glaring linoleum. Has someone died here? Why else would it be so disturbingly clean? Scanning the white grout between the tiles for imperceptible specks of the victim’s DNA, her gaze finally locked on his. Greg’s eyes glowed from the shining bald orb of his head, teeth flashing from a fleshy mouth. He’s the wolf, unwigged, and I’m Little Rear-ended–
“–nude.”
“Excuse me?” she gulped in his face, too close to hers.
“It’s easier if you take off all of your clothes.”
Absently nodding to his request, she sniffed loudly and puckered.
Greg wilted self-consciously. “It’s Chinese medicine. We can discuss herbal remedies after your session.”
Shallowing her breath, she attempted to categorize the odor–not quite sweet, not quite earthy–an alien acridness.
Face down, like a patient etherized on a startlingly white sheet, the aroma emanated from the polished glass jars, the dusted blinds, the sanitized massage table. She blinked through the portal of the headrest. A rabbit hole too small to fit through, it stretched out her face, and the inversion drained her sinuses. Beads of snot pat, patted the ground. The door clicked open. The door rattled shut. Greg’s palm, as disturbingly smooth as she expected, pressed into her.
“My low back is very sensitive,” she reminded him as he, like an elf in a secret factory, took a small mallet and tap, tapped at the slender nails he placed at her sacrum. Greg grunted as she tensed, hammering harder.
“Relax, relax.”
A knot grew and spread, covering the base of her spine, irradiating out like stinging mycelium.
“Is this supposed to hurt?” she couldn’t feel the shape of her words.
It’s not. Relax. Not. Relax. Better. Help. Relax. His response, the needle sliding off the edge of a record like a ship on the periphery of flat Earth. Turn it over. Turn it over. Now. Please. Now. Turn. Turn it over. Tur-n. Tur-n. Tur-n. Fff-p. Fff-p. Fff-p.
Then there was the dark dome of a planetarium. Whispered murmuring. Speeds of light, blue, pink, orange, white, white, white, breaking through to the other side of nothing.
Blank.
Eternity.
Was this a dreamless sleep or a dream-filled one? Just sleep. This is home. Stay. Stay home. This was peace. Peace.Rest in peace. Rest. Miss. Rest. Miss Rest. Miss–
“–West? Ms. West?”
Back into the blazing greige, the suck of her skin ripping off the vinyl headrest.
How irritating to be called back! Later she would close her eyes, and politely ask her consciousness to leave, waiting for that high to return and make her feel as vacant and perfect as she did the first time.
“Don’t! Don’t turn over! There’s still a needle–” Greg plucked an imaginary splinter. “Slowly, now. You were out for a while.”
Her whole body tingled with stupid, too-easily-relinquished life. How disappointing, being saved by this Bluebeard. Animosity filled her as she crouched on hands and knees, breasts hanging, sinuses still purging, her whole face flooded with despondency crusting into salt, hardening, tightening, itching–sensating with reminders of her animation and the too-bright, too-pungent world.
Curator and Artist Esther Hz Discusses Her Art and Soil In Her Studio In Denver’s City Park Neighborhood
Read my latest article for Southwest Contemporary about Esther Hz’s art practice, including her past as a farmer and recent biodynamic farm-inspired zoetropes for the Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art’s exhibition agriCULTURE(on view until October 1st).
Here’s an excerpt:
Hz has always considered herself a practicing artist, but, as a former farmer, she found little time for art-making. Additionally, having attended a permaculture school in Eugene, Oregon, before urban farming at Produce Denver and then managing the urban Blue Bear Farm at the Colorado Convention Center, Hz remains passionate about agricultural work as an act of self and communal service—providing self-sufficiency and the opportunity to deeply nourish the masses. And, as Hz informed me, it all starts with good soil, the micro-biomes that line our digestive tracts, betraying where we source our food (which, under capitalism, is not necessarily where we live).
Tones of spirituality, comedy, and healing emerge as powerfully legible focuses in Hz’s oeuvre. Occasionally working in the non-profit sector, including with girls and women from the foster care system, Hz has invited others to play with her in her studio, listening to their histories and visually replicating their stories into art pieces that might offer pathways to self-repair.
In her 2018 sculpture Genesis, Hz cast a young woman’s face in plaster, creating a visage in which oyster mushroom mycelium overtakes half of the head cast. Hz met this person, dealing with dying and deceased parents and substance abuse, through her non-profit work. Both Hz and this woman agreed that a mushroom mask justly represented her experiences.
Read the full article here. Check out more of my writing on Substack here. And visit my blog here.
Competing with a backdrop of the Collegiate Peaks—a range of grandiose mountains each breaching 14,000 feet—and the bright, amorphous slopes of the Great Sand Dunes, Humeau’s numerous but camouflaged flora-and-fauna-inspired sculptures grovel before this macroscopic drama. Fortuitously arriving at golden hour, many of us remained distracted by the natural landscape, snapping pictures of ourselves in the pre-gloaming light, the dust storms on the horizon, and the play of our shadows stretching over scorched earth. Meanwhile, Humeau’s visual renditions of “prayers,” the definition of orisons, waited for reverence.
While whimsical Americana characterizes the arguable Land Art of the UFO Watchtower, Humeau’s big, sundry thoughts make her work more difficult to specify, and subvert the impact of her small, poetic orisons. Despite Humeau’s extensive research and sensitivity, some melancholic lack haunts Humeau’s engagement with these 160 acres. Perhaps I wanted a more compelling motivation behind European Humeau’s “health report” (to use her phrasing) on a piece of indubitably struggling United States farmland undergoing unavoidable megadrought and the unprecedented effects of global climate change.
As I beheld thirty-six spinning Spurge Dancer sculptures (numerically reflecting the artist’s age) on a patch labeled “150-year-old Sadness” on the Orisons map, I contemplated Humeau’s drive to offer such unavailing amelioration. I further pondered if I unjustly judged Humeau’s impulses to study, classify, map out, sanctify, and remedy a piece of land as too dangerously adjacent to ongoing and harmful settler-colonialist mentalities and epistemologies.
Read my latest article for Southwest Contemporary about Lauren Zwicky and Michael Stone’s half salon, half community art-film-music venue, Scorpio Palace. You’ll also learn a little about the history of Denver’s DIY scene.
Here’s an excerpt:
When local film artist Kim Shively alerted Lauren Zwicky that the lease was up for the beloved DIY warehouse art party space Rhinoceropolis, Zwicky and her partner, Michael Stone, spotted a unique opportunity. Sharing sensibilities for electronic music-minded entrepreneurship—Zwicky is a longtime Denver-based DJ and licensed cosmetologist, and Stone is a graphic designer and audio/visual artist and consultant—they opened Scorpio Palace in December 2021.
Before an eloquent friend deemed Zwicky the “death doula” of Rhino, Zwicky witnessed Rhino’s birth, landing her first DJ gig there thirteen years ago. At that time, intermittently spanning the 2000s and 2010s, Rhino was a place to celebrate art and music in a pre-gentrified, pre-RiNo Denver. (The neighborhood branders responsible for coining RiNo, the River North Arts District, claim creative coincidence in closeness to the name of its Rhino predecessor.)
. . .
Yet, Zwicky and Stone know that their days are numbered in this neighborhood as they nodded to the construction cranes surrounding another new high-rise visible from their front window. While they don’t find their vision and efforts futile, they acknowledge that Scorpio Palace’s long-term survival might not be in RiNo/Rhino.
Nevertheless, Scorpio Palace provides a positive community-art space and promotes good, mystical vibes since Zwicky and Stone know, as Zwicky puts it, “the bad magic [of] reviving a corpse.” So don’t come to Scorpio Palace expecting to find the Rhino reincarnate. But do come with expectations for some much-needed communal healing among local artistic visionaries after a collective rough start to the first few decades of the new millennium.
Or, How I’m Still A Bitch Despite Being @barely.private
Or, A Verbose Anti-Capitalist, Pro-Technology Feminist Manifesto in Seven Micro-Essays That Was Meant to Be Just a Few Slides on My Instagram Story
And, A Little Bit of Why I Left Academia
I. Teacher Vs. Performance Artist
In my barely employed, barely private life, I’ve found myself on social media a lot. In fact, the last time I was online so frequently, I was writing my dissertation in Taos and living with my bestie @ohdamienmoreau. At that time, I changed my private Instagram handle from @babygrandmother (as a young lady flaunting the grey hair trend) to @privately_being_a_bitch.
BITCH (noun): a reappropriation of a misogynist slur used against opinionated women. Many languages use their word for a female dog as a pejorative. No equivalent term exists for men. I use “bitch” to ironically describe myself despite increasing tone-deafness to irony.
My ongoing bitch era began as a quest for a voice, which I never found as a bitch-effacing academic. Indeed, being a professional professor required me to don a mask I couldn’t breathe under. Some people know how to choreograph this dance beautifully, but I never figured it out.
For those of you who aren’t teachers, being in front of a classroom is like being on a stage without the freedom of the performance artist. Your young, college-age audience sees you as a target for their social-political frustrations (and maybe even an assault rifle). They make you the accountable adult for the complicated, fraught world they’ve inherited. At least, that’s what happened to me when I failed to perform to their standards.
Since, at the overpriced university level, “the customer is always right,” your students’ standards, forged in their undeveloped brains, count, and it’s on you to harmonize what they want with what the university wants. Thus, bad student evaluations evidence your bad teaching and directly affect your performance in the (already impossible) academic job market. 1 I imagine in the public school context (in which teaching elementary through high school might be more lucrative than being an adjunct professor), you’re judged by capricious parents. Plus, you’re at the whim of ever-changing U.S. legislation that determines school funding based on standardized test performances–rote training that leads college students to expect rewards for regurgitating information. When I put it this way, I sympathize with those students who thought I was bad at my job for attempting to wring out original thoughts from them (@being_an_olde_crotchety_bitch).
In part, I couldn’t hack the teaching life because it was an anit-bitch life. You had to grit your teeth and smile as your students got trigger-happy with trigger warnings. Additionally, I had to fight for visibility as an authority figure because of my age, sex, and skin color (as a white lady teaching Black literature concurrent with the Rachel Dolezal scandal).
For these reasons, I took away an unwavering respect for teachers at all levels of education. Except those of you whose white male bodies make you unquestionable as you spout elegiac praise for Abraham Lincoln. Students seem to always love you for performing your authentic self. It’s too easy for you.
Being a bitch was, therefore, the first step I took leaving academia and claiming any identity I wanted without worrying about being too privileged or not privileged enough, too opinionated or meek, or utterly unhireable.2 In full disclosure, I also wanted to explore a slut era that I couldn’t reconcile with my professorial side. In Taos, Damien Moreau, of short-lived erotic video performance acclaim, pulled me into his world, and I was maybe a little too eager to undress for his camera. Once those tasteful images consensually found their way onto the Internet, I knew I transgressed from art critic to art itself, or, to an author of a very different genre.
II. Roe Vs. Wade
Currently, with widespread feminist backlash spotlighted by the overturning of Roe vs. Wade, women don’t have to do anything to be seen as bitches. This backlash also constantly exhibits itself in pop culture. For instance, it’s apparent as men and women alike (and probably non-binary people too since we’re all misogynists just like we’re all racists) defended Johnny Depp over Amber Heard (lying bitch) and, more recently, Jonah Hill (who has never even played a distractingly loveable character) over Sarah Brady (insensitive, surfer bitch).
Amidst slumps of feminist fervor, being a bitch might ostracize you. Yet, I’ve never felt more connected to like-minded people than I have as @privately_being_a_bitch. And I connect with people over the very topics of having to pick up my jaw off the floor after reading the comments regarding Depp vs. Heard and Hill vs. Brady.
In other words, I know I’m preaching to the feminist choir about all of these things, but it’s nice to know that the choir is composed of REAL people and not a fantasy I perpetuate to cope with an inhospitable world.
III. The Bitch I Am Vs. The Bitch You Deserve
Single while launching @privately_being_a_bitch, I discovered that I was really good at trolling men who displayed despicable deportment on dating apps. Revealing the absurdities of patriarchy felt like my calling and a small public service.
Moreover, I was never a mean bitch to these men. Sarcastic? Sure. Over-zealous? Sometimes. Absurd? Absolutely. Insulting? Uh-uh.
If, for instance, you told me you needed to know how much I weigh before a first date, you deserved a sincere, public lambasting over your sexist, superficial, controlling entitlement to women’s bodies:
But most of the time, I just went off the deep end with these guys to see how long they’d pursue me:
To my delight, my social network understood and enjoyed my performances. They assured me that I wasn’t alone in my anger and frustration and that my perceptions were not synaptic misfirings. And, honestly, this feedback is life-saving.
IV. Gaslighting vs. Gaslighting
Sometimes we inherently know certain things to be right or wrong, true or false, but the world gaslights us into believing that we’re the problem because we’re too lazy (not hustling enough for capitalism), crazy (too opposed to mainstream narratives about identity and relationships), or bitchy (too militantly adverse to patriarchy). On the other hand, sometimes we shout, “Gaslighting!” when we’re trying to evade accountability for our own shortcomings.
In fact, “gaslighting” is a revived and trending idea because of social media and our collective turn toward popular, woo-woo-inflected therapy that lets us off the hook for accountability like the confession booth lets Catholics off the hook for sin (former Catholic school girl here). For instance, if we’re all victims of a growing population of narcissists, why are we bombarded with guides for identifying sociopaths instead of information on recognizing our own lack of empathy and abusive tendencies?
In other words, I understand that social media scrambles our social-moral compass and self-awareness. It tricks us into thinking solipsism is self-care. Moreover, it does these things as it also offers the supportive, objective perspective we might otherwise seek from a trained and licensed therapist. It’s a confusing world to orient one’s self in, for sure.
Yet, it’s not impossible to find true healing and friendship on social media. With good discernment, you might find it, but no guarantees.
One thing is for certain: an encouraging yet un-sycophantic community won’t try to influence you with viral buzz phrases and over-identifying with your astrological chart or personality type. This isn’t to say you should snobbily upturn your nose at your cultural zeitgeist. I’m unapologetically guilty of complaining about being a misunderstood introverted Leo. But, even as I self-identify in those terms, I know I’m contributing to my own misidentification, which doesn’t perfectly fit these templates.
These terms might boost my inclusion in a larger cultural discussion and make me feel seen and accepted (or, unjustly persecuted as others label me the most obnoxious sign in the zodiac), but, ultimately, isn’t it better if I take full responsibility for my bourgeois tastes without dismissing it as Leo sumptuosity? Don’t I want your friendship because we’re inexplicably compatible and not because your air sign fans the flames of my fire sign?
V. The Man vs. Individual Men
I imagine people who believe in a flat Earth or that Satanic child molesters worked to undermine Donald Trump’s presidency feel the same way that I do regarding finding “my people” online. Thankfully I’ve found an affinity with people who don’t lie and spread misinformation. Yet, if I was desperately lonely, disempowered, and unloved, who knows what belief systems I’d subscribe to just to feel seen and autonomous?
Being a discerning bitch means questioning conventional normality as it threatens your life and the lives of those around you. Case in point, I live in Wyoming, the bonafide reddest state in the country, littered with Pro-Trump paraphernalia. Such sloganeering is always plastered on the side of the most dilapidated living situations. To me, this shows that a pussy-grabbing billionaire with a vague platform of nostalgia for America’s white supremacist past powerfully appeals to people who see no other options for fighting the class inequality and poverty that directly oppresses them. Live free and die disempowered.3 I know that this phrase is a distortion of New Hampshire’s state motto, but it’s a very Make-America-Great-Again concept. Ironically, Wyoming is the Equality State–I explain the irony here.
Of course, ideologies that support the Man will never give us power and freedom. It’s essential to basic survival and, maybe more importantly, thriving that we find a community that uplifts us in our psychic struggles against the Man; a community that knows saying things like “the Man,” or the white cis het Elon Musk Man, is not a hate crime. It can’t be–no one but the Man has the authority to produce and proliferate hateful ideology.
I’m using Musk as an example to poke fun at him for his recent flagging of the term “cis” as hate speech on Twitter. Twitter (under Musk’s tycoon stranglehold) and Meta (under the other sallow guy who wants to cage-fight Musk) don’t get why it’s OK to label the Man as the Man. This is why a lot of my posts on Instagram are flagged for “harmful language” as I sarcastically whine that “men suck.”
But they DO suck, and it is crucial to publicly underline how this impotent utterance (I’ll repeat myself and let you read this again slowly) has zero ability to overturn and restructure social hierarchies. The only hate speech that does things in the world is the hate speech volleyed at the already prone. And, since women have centuries of disenfranchisement behind them, our hate speech–like our offensive nipples–counts least of all.
VI. The Media vs. Social Media
Despite the monopolizing men running the show, though, social media makes me more hopeful about the extensive possibilities for encountering and sustaining healing intimacies. For this reason, I can’t fully relate to headlines proclaiming how horrible social media is for our mental health and self esteems. I also can’t fully trust when the mainstream media discusses the effects of social media on depressed, suicidal, anorexic-bulimic teen girls as if they aren’t part of a longer, outstanding history of dispersing body-dysmorphia-inspiring “news.”
Extant, pre-Internet media has always affected girls who are just learning to cope with a culture that regularly devalues them and incites violence against them. Do you remember when America’s Next Top Model convinced us that anything above a size six was not a normal body (and what even are women’s clothing sizes based on)? Remember when “heroin chic” was a thing? Thankfully 1990s nostalgia hasn’t resurrected that trend–yet. But, even when it does, one major pro of growing up with the Internet over oligarchically controlled cable television and print publications is that trends come and go as fast as Tik Tok videos are uploaded. Moreover, you’re at liberty to subscribe to body-positive accounts as much as you’re at risk for wallowing in the bogs of unattainable-body fitness accounts.
Perhaps because I’m no longer a highly vulnerable, impressionable teenage girl trying to fit into a cruel social milieu, I’m a bit disconnected from this dark side of the virtual world that claims to make it even harder on girls and women than previously. Or, perhaps I’ve effectively blinded myself by curating my own egregiously politically and socially biased online social bubble. And if I have, who cares? I see nothing wrong with cultivating the good company I prefer to keep.4Unfortunately, we’ve always been made to feel less for being female. This is why, to pursue yet another tangent that deserves its own 2,000-word essay, I hate seeing women jump on non-binary identity as a way to circumvent the social degradation that comes with being legibly a “woman.” As an anti-heteronormativity bitch, I consider myself queer and female. I use she/her pronouns to resignify she/her through my weird-ass, everyday performances of unconventional femininity.
VII. Life vs. Death
My one, fleeting taste of bullying in cyberspace occurred after the deaths of Damien Moreau and Alex Small. At this time, I briefly made @privately_being_a_bitch a public account to share my unguarded, complicated feelings about their suicide pact. In doing so, I offended people. I’m not apologizing for my public displays of ongoing grief, for which I was called an attention-seeking narcissist. One anonymous person also created a fake IG account pretending to be me in an attempt to shame me for being so selfishly impertinent about the dead.
While my account is private again (as a direct result of this incident), I’ve taken up commenting on popular meme account posts and making myself visible to abusive people once more.
Honestly, I don’t know why I need to engage in public discourses about jokes. Why can’t I see a meme about how Wife cat is “on her period” while Husband cat suffers her irrational aggression by getting clawed in the face WITHOUT needing to comment: “What an unhumorous display of gender-and-sexuality-bias projection.”
That’s not my best work. My displays of critical outrage are not always so equally unhumorous. But, come on, relating to spade creatures in holy matrimony is surely the height of heteronormative dystopia.
To be more concrete, I recently had a very small, unnoticed “spat” with some strangers about a meme. I’ll share the story through screenshots:
This exchange prompted me to change my handle from @privately_being_a_bitch to @barely.private. It’s not an act of resignation or cowardice. I just want others to assume my primary tone is humor before they assume I’m an overly disgruntled troll bitch.
And maybe I AM an ODTB to some extent, and maybe that is a fantastic Instagram handle, but I get to point that out, not YOU.
I’m done begging the question by titling myself a bitch. We’ll just have to see how much of a bitch I can be without calling myself one.
1
I imagine in the public school context (in which teaching elementary through high school might be more lucrative than being an adjunct professor), you’re judged by capricious parents. Plus, you’re at the whim of ever-changing U.S. legislation that determines school funding based on standardized test performances–rote training that leads college students to expect rewards for regurgitating information. When I put it this way, I sympathize with those students who thought I was bad at my job for attempting to wring out original thoughts from them (@being_an_olde_crotchety_bitch).
2
In full disclosure, I also wanted to explore a slut era that I couldn’t reconcile with my professorial side. In Taos, Damien Moreau, of short-lived erotic video performance acclaim, pulled me into his world, and I was maybe a little too eager to undress for his camera. Once those tasteful images consensually found their way onto the Internet, I knew I transgressed from art critic to art itself, or, to an author of a very different genre.
3
I know that this phrase is a distortion of New Hampshire’s state motto, but it’s a very Make-America-Great-Again concept. Ironically, Wyoming is the Equality State–I explain the irony here.
4
Unfortunately, we’ve always been made to feel less for being female. This is why, to pursue yet another tangent that deserves its own 2,000-word essay, I hate seeing women jump on non-binary identity as a way to circumvent the social degradation that comes with being legibly a “woman.” As an anti-heteronormativity bitch, I consider myself queer and female. I use she/her pronouns to resignify she/her through my weird-ass, everyday performances of unconventional femininity.
Denver Month of Video will showcase a variety of video art and exhibitions with overlapping themes of Indigenous land and culture, social and environmental justice, and the contemporaneous “aliveness” of performance art. With the help of their vast network of video artist friends and various artist-run spaces and galleries throughout Denver, viewers can find MOV screenings and events in both “top tier” locations (such as the Denver Art Museum) and DIY warehouses, such as Glob. Other venues include Galapago Space, 17th Street “Storefront,” Denver Digerati, and the Daniels and Fisher’s Clock Tower.
Jenna Maurice for Traverse exhibition at Union Hall curated by Esther Hz
MOV’s itinerary kicks off this weekend with a showcase of Colorado-based video artists at the Denver Art Museum on July 1, 2023 with subsequent one-night screenings occurring every Saturday at various locations. Many other screenings and live performances will take place throughout July, including alumni work from Signal Culture, a global media-artist residency program that recently relocated from Upstate New York to Colorado.
New Red Order, “Crimes Against Reality” Exhibition at RedLine curated by Jenna Maurice and Adán De La Garza
“We hope that MOV will provide different access points to video-based work and a home for that work to be seen regularly in Denver,” say Maurice and De La Garza about Denver Month of Video, which may become a biannual event that recommences in 2025. By that time, Denver will certainly be hungry for more simultaneous introductions to video artists and the local art spaces that display their work.
Nicola Fornoni for an exhibition at Understudy Gallery curated by Quinn Dukes
If you mine the Internet for information about the interdisciplinary artist Alex Branch, you’ll learn that she grew up on an island off the coast of Washington, collecting Earth-worn objects washed to shore, pondering the odysseys they mutely contain. As we sat in her studio in the Evans School (in landlocked, water-scarce Denver), I brought up my knowledge of her poetic biography and geographical migrations. From Seattle to Chicago and New York, and artist residencies in Greece, Florida, Missouri, Nebraska, and New Mexico, Branch set an anchor near family in Denver two years ago, finding herself among a supportive art community.
As I considered Branch’s works-in-progress in her studio, I shared her curiosity about the metaphors enveloped in everyday objects, like messages inside ocean-dispatched bottles. Branch gestured to her water bottle on her desk, telling me that even newly manufactured gadgets hold secret narratives about their production. Contemplating the independent, non-ontological lives objects lead, we admired their fusion of organic and synthetic materials, the animal and mechanical labor involved in their development, and their unpredictable transformations with exposure to various physical and social environments.
[. . .]
By the end of my studio visit with Branch, I felt like Alice in Wonderland, shrunk to fit inside my own glass bottle and swept away by the torrent of a meandering conversation. Traversing through themes of the natural, synthetic, and surreal aspects of our reality (shared with a multitude of entities we cannot fully control or communicate with) Branch ignited my wonder about a conscious world independent of us.
Junk Drawer, as founders Justin Najjar-Keith, Jeff Page, and Aleks Rodriguez often repeat, is more than a party. It’s a party as art, art as a party. It’s an act of social dynamic-shifting community service. It’s an education on the BIPOC roots of the techno music dance scene. It gives people an outlet when they, like Rodriguez, “need some faggotry [and] to twirl.” And it’s beyond gender in the profound intimacies it generates.
[. . .]
While saying my goodbyes to the Junk Drawer masterminds, Rodriguez offered a final slogan: “Come correct,” which I misheard as, “Come corrupt.”
“Yes!” Rodriguez adapted my distortion: “Come corrupted by heteronormative society.”
“We used to have a neon sign that said, ‘Come As You Are,’” Page observed.
“Oh? What happened to it?”
“We left it out in the rain, and I think a cat peed on it,” Najjar-Keith informed me.
Ending the night with laughter, I reflected on the perfection of the disappearing sign, one no longer needed to advertise acceptance and inclusion where such expectations reign.
The Equality State: the first state to grant women’s voting rights, and the first state to make abortion medication illegal.
A picture of me hiking around Sinks Canyon near Lander, Wyoming in May 2023.
Growing up in Cheyenne, I had a cynical view of Wyoming’s nickname, “The Equality State.” My self-righteous teenage eyes rolled in my head at the sight of Susan B. Anthony’s statue in front of the Cheyenne Capitol building. “She’s not even from Wyoming,” I would tell people who already knew that fact. “And Wyoming only gave women the right to vote to increase its population enough to become a state,” I’d add for those who didn’t ask.
To my false-information-spreading credit, no one ever corrected me. First, the statue represents Esther Morris, the first woman to hold an office as Wyoming’s Justice of the Peace in 1870 (fifty years before the 19th Amendment gave all women nationwide the right to vote in 1920). Second, historians remain uncertain about why Wyoming successfully legislated women’s suffrage since no official document details the event except newspaper clippings announcing the bill’s triumph.
Let’s briefly consider the historical context: In 1869, the 15th Amendment granted universal suffrage to men, including formerly enslaved, Black men. That same year, with the transcontinental railroad’s completion, Wyoming became a coherent territory from pieces of Dakota, Idaho, and Utah. Republican President Ulysses S. Grant instated a Republican governor, and William Bright, a Democrat (conservative like the majority of Democrats and Wyoming residents in the late 19th century), was elected Territory Council President.1“Woman Suffrage,” National Geographic, accessed May 28, 2023, https://education.nationalgeographic.org/resource/woman-suffrage/.
Considering these circumstances, various reasons account for early woman suffrage in Wyoming. Regarding the conservative leanings of the Wyoming territory, one possible factor includes the desire to embarrass the Republican governor and boost the Democrats. Bright’s racism constitutes another potential reason. Originally from Virginia and opposed to the 15th Amendment, Bright introduced the woman suffrage bill claiming that if Black men vote, so should his wife (significantly, Mrs. Bright strongly supported woman suffrage). 2Tom Rea, “Right Choice, Wrong Reasons: Wyoming Women Win the Right to Vote,” WyoHistory.Org, accessed May 28, 2023, https://www.wyohistory.org/encyclopedia/right-choice-wrong-reasons-wyoming-women-win-right-vote.
Noting the ubiquitous racism in the Sweetwater Mining District (where both Esther Morris and the Brights resided), historian Michael Massie observes that “the town’s newspapers often printed derogatory and racist articles concerning Chinese and Blacks,” evidencing the general xenophobic atmosphere Bright contributed to.3 Michael Massie, “The Roots of Woman Suffrage in Wyoming,” Internet Archive, accessed May 28, 2023, https://archive.org/details/annalsofwyom621231990wyom/. Indeed, this mining area in the state’s center (in today’s Fremont County) played a significant role in the history of Wyoming woman suffrage. As the region’s population declined with the end of the gold rush, residents wanted to attract more people, particularly women (who constituted 24% of its population). Increasing the territory’s population–or making the region a more desirable place for the “right” (white) people to live–additionally compelled the case for women’s voting rights. 4Massie, “The Roots of Woman Suffrage in Wyoming”; Massie expands on the complicated feelings surrounding woman suffrage in the South Pass: “Ironically, South Pass City opposed woman suffrage as much as, or more than, any other Wyoming settlement at the same time that Bright ‘s sponsorship of the woman suffrage bill and Morris’ tenure as justice were focusing national attention on the town. The general opposition to woman suffrage included both sexes, for most of the women refused to become involved in politics— voting or otherwise. As a result of this attitude, Esther Morris, a Republican, was the only woman to attend South Pass City’s Democratic meeting in September, 1870, and only eight women, 11 percent of the eligible female electorate, voted in the ensuing elections.” Moreover, as Massie goes on to discuss, these feelings were quickly reversed: “By late 1871, most of the remaining citizens in the Sweetwater mining district had gradually accepted woman suffrage, particularly after witnessing Esther Morris’ success as a justice of the peace. Thus, the area’s antagonism toward woman suffrage was declining while opposition in the territory was increasing.” And judging by the lack of ethnic diversity in the state today, Wyoming, the equality state, carries on this legacy. 5According to Tennessee Jane Watson in an interview for Wyoming Public Radio with The Wyoming Community Foundation, while enrollment of non-white students in the public school system is on the rise, and non-white people make up 15% of the Wyoming population (which is already the least populated state in the U.S.), it is still a majority White state. (“Does Race Matter in Wyoming?” published on November 6, 2020, https://www.wyomingpublicmedia.org/open-spaces/2020-11-06/does-race-matter-in-wyoming.) Additionally, if you want to find the equivalent form of xenophobic pulse-taking like Massie’s study of 19th-century periodicals in the Sweetwater Mining Distritct, check out the Reddit threads regarding Wyoming. In this one, “In Riverton, Arrest Data Shows Large Racial Disparities Persist,” accesed on May 30, 2023, Wyomingites show their true colors: https://www.reddit.com/r/wyoming/comments/11osfyj/in_riverton_arrest_data_shows_large_racial/.
A display case in a historic saloon in Atlantic City, one of the gold rush era mining towns near South Pass City where Bright opened his saloon.
While we don’t know if any or all of these elements were actually discussed and debated as the bill became a law, we do know that Wyoming fought to keep women’s right to vote even at the risk of being denied statehood. In 1889, when Wyoming applied for statehood, the U.S. Congress challenged Wyoming’s recognition of woman suffrage. Wyoming didn’t back down, and when it became a state in 1890, Governor Francis E. Warren stated: “Our best people and in fact all classes are almost universally in favor of women suffrage. A few women and a few men still entertain prejudice against it, but I know of no argument having been offered to show its ill effects in Wyoming.” 6“Woman Suffrage.”
Taken in the winter of 2023 in Hudson, WY in Fremont County.
Thus, starting with woman suffrage, nuance, ambivalence, and irony abound in the history of women’s rights in Wyoming. As Massie points out, it’s undoubtedly incredibly ironic that Bright presented the bill for woman suffrage as an anti-Black saloon owner who might otherwise distance himself from the Temperance Movement and the abolitionist stance of the Suffragists. Despite the inexplicable success of the bill, though, Massie defensively boasts about Wyoming’s path to equality: “As some of the events associated with woman suffrage in Wyoming from 1869-71 prove, several unrelated ideas, both ideal and utilitarian, may suddenly create the opportunity for the birth of reform. The fact that Wyoming passed woman suffrage, refused to repeal it, and later insisted that it would never become a state without the reform should make its citizens proud that the reform was first ‘found’ in Wyoming.”7 Massie, “The Roots of Woman Suffrage in Wyoming.”
Yet, I don’t feel very proud. Maybe it’s because “several unrelated ideas, both ideal and utilitarian, may suddenly create the opportunity for the birth of reform” is a dispiriting way to achieve radical and necessary social reconstruction. To rephrase Massie, it doesn’t matter how reform is achieved as long as it is indeed achieved. So let’s celebrate the suspect self-interests of men who brought their conservative, anti-Black politics from the southern U.S. before inadvertently making one right thing happen in Wyoming!
Maybe, too, I can’t feel prideful because of the complicated ways racism and misogyny are imbricated in our national fabric. As the annals of the passing of the 15th and 19th amendments illuminate, this nation has repeatedly pitted white women against ethnic minorities, letting us fight each other for social-political visibility and viability and thereby precluding any enduring alliance for extensive and inclusivesocial justice. 8While Wyoming indeed ratified the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) in 1973, guaranteeing equal rights for all U.S. citizens regardless of sex, the ERA never received enough votes in Congress to make it a nationally recognized and guaranteed amendment. I only point this out because the thirteenth amendment, which passed in 1865, abolished slavery and gave all men equal rights regardless of race. This defense of the rights of men regardless of race or country of origin and the subsequent snubbing of women as fully recognized citizens exemplifies the perpetually fraught social justice enterprise of simultaneously opposing racism and sexism. Moreover, the lack of constitutional language that guarantees the rights of all citizens regardless of sex (and this very much includes the reversal of Roe vs. Wade) has rendered queer and non-binary folks particularly vulnerable. Currently, we are witnessing a tumult of anti-Drag Queen and anti-trans legislation (that most disturbingly takes the form of denying children access to gender-affirming health care), which something like the ERA would have helped us better oppose.
Maybe, because this country’s history of law and politics has always been marked by ambivalence, irony, and other arbitrary factors, I only feel slight embarrassment. Why is it that when something “good” and “just” somehow gets legislated, we effuse regional and national pride about our unaccountable success instead of critiquing the blind spots of our praxis of democracy?
Taken in Spring 2023 in Dubois, WY near the Wind River Reservation.
Last year, before I moved back to Wyoming, I felt a fleeting flurry of pride for my Wyomingite mother, currently a registered Independent, who momentarily registered Republican to vote for Liz Cheney (daughter of the incarnate of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Sauron, aka former Vice President, Dick Cheney) in her campaign against fellow Republican Harriet Hageman for the one Wyoming seat in the House of Representatives. 9I don’t think it’s a controversial point to argue that Dick Cheney is a power-hungry monster who used his advanced political position to expand executive power and amass his own personal wealth as much as possible. As Conor Friedersdorf reminds us in his article for The Atlantic, “Remembering Why Americans Loathe Dick Cheney, ”he had an approval rating of 13% by the time he left his office as the Vice President. And for many good reasons: During the Iraq war, he and Donald Rumsfeld created their own “alternative intelligence agency” in order to hype up the need for war by spreading false information and thereby cementing his own power and authority while getting rich through his private business association with Halliburton. Friedersdorf expands on how Cheney achieved slimeball status: “After Cheney enriched himself by exploiting contacts with various corrupt Arab autocrats that he made while drawing a public salary, he returned to public life as vice president. Halliburton donated to his campaign, and got numerous lucrative contracts during the Bush administration’s tenure, even as it was discovered to have overcharged the U.S. for prior services rendered.” Most notably, in terms of faulty information, Cheney and Rumsfeld claimed there was evidence of “weapons of mass destruction” in Iraq when they knew they were non-existent. They also falsely linked Saddam Hussein with the terrorist group Al Qaeda. Cheney also has admitted to being instrumental in instituting waterboarding, a form of torture, as a legit interrogation tactic during the Bush Administration. And, he ensured that innocent prisoners stayed indefinitely at Guantanamo Bay by giving the U.S. power to detain these people without allowing them a fair trial. Friedersdorf also reminds us that Cheney initiated “an NSA operation to monitor the phone calls and emails of U.S. citizens without a warrant, part of which later became known as the Terrorist Surveillance Program.” For a full account, see Friedersdorf’s article, published on August 30, 2011: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2011/08/remembering-why-americans-loathe-dick-cheney/244306/. This turn of events particularly highlights the torturous ambivalence of Wyoming politics and the women who spearhead them.
When Cheney lost favor with her own party after leading the legal hearings on the 2021 January Sixth Insurrection on the U.S. government (carried out by the Proud Boys, President Trump’s ride-or-dies who stormed the Capitol under his blessing), she gained favor among moderates and liberals opposed to Trump. In comparison to Hageman, a Trump-endorsed pro-gun, anti-abortion, anti-immigration neoconservative, Cheney, a Trump-reviled pro-gun, anti-abortion, anti-immigration neoconservative, looked appealing to registered voters who would never otherwise promote her political platforms.
Seen on paper and taken out of context, Cheney and Hageman might as well be the same woman, and my mom’s brief political deflection doesn’t make sense. Yet, how Cheney went against her party to criticize Trump and his indefensible claims of voter fraud during the 2020 presidential election made my family actually root for Cheney. In other words, in a stubbornly Red state like Wyoming (which, I might add, is the least populated and, so, least politically important state from a national perspective), you applaud yourself for political radicalism by splitting hairs and voting for the lesser of two evils.
Cheney lost this election, and Hageman went on to defeat the Democrat candidate, Lynette Grey Bull, an American Indian activist who “has been a longtime advocate for missing and slain Indigenous women and girls.” Grey Bull would have been the right choice for an equality state with a long history of supporting women’s rights. But, in 2020, Grey Bull lost to Cheney by a 44-point margin in the Wyoming House race and was expected to lose again whether she faced Cheney or Hageman (and she lost to Hageman by a 37-point margin).10Mead Gruver, “Hageman Faces Grey Bull for US House After Beating Cheney,” AP News, published on November 8, 2022, https://apnews.com/article/2022-midterm-elections-abortion-gun-politics-native-americans-wyoming-d6cf0db831edeaed63462932244de72c.
As found in a residential area in Lander, WY in May 2023.
Recently, with the overturning of Roe vs. Wade, Wyoming again graced national news headlines by becoming the first state to try to ban abortion pills. Another first for women in Wyoming history! This past March, Republican Governor Mark Gordon signed a bill into law prohibiting all forms and dissemination of “any drug for the purpose of procuring or performing an abortion.” 11Eric Lutz, “Wyoming Becomes First State to Ban Abortion Pills,” Vanity Fair, published March 18, 2023, https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2023/03/wyoming-becomes-first-state-to-ban-abortion-pills; We should note that Wyoming has stayed conservative throughout its political history even as the reputation for conservatism switched from Democrats to Republicans after the 19th century. Such a ruling was an additional twist of the knife by thhttps://www.vanityfair.com/news/2023/03/wyoming-becomes-first-state-to-ban-abortion-pillse anti-abortion legislation sweeping the country since those supporting women’s medical rights counted on the availability of these prescription drugs to help women in crisis facing limited or banned abortion resources.
Then, a judge in Teton County temporarily blocked Gordon’s law, ruling that a 2012 amendment to the state’s constitution (intended to stop President Barack Obama’s Affordable Care Act) made it a citizen’s right to make their own healthcare decisions. 12Annika Kim Constantino, “Wyoming Abortion Ban Blocked Due to Obamacare-Era Amendment,” CNBC.com, published March 24, 2023, https://www.cnbc.com/2023/03/24/wyoming-abortion-ban-blocked-due-to-obamacare-era-amendment.html#:~:text=The%20ban%20prohibits%20abortion%20in,prison%20and%20a%20%2420%2C000%20fine. In other words, Wyoming’s political conservatism, arguably in part motivated by racist opposition to a Black man’s political authority, once again forced Wyoming’s hand in upholding women’s rights. Sometimes history refracts itself.
As I write this essay in May 2023, Judge Melissa Owen’s blocking of Wyoming’s ban on abortion pills holds even as the debate about whether or not abortion constitutes “health care” continues. I also find myself in Fremont County (in Lander, Wyoming), which still flaunts itself as the birthplace of women’s suffrage.
If you visit Lander, you’ll find Wyoming Catholic College, which is undeniably related to the “Real Men Choose Life” signs posted in residents’ yards and the “Pro-Life” stickers plastered on young women’s laptops in the coffee shops. The sloganeering of masculinity in conjunction with anti-abortion politics always gives me pause. Did anyone ever question the paternalistic, Christian upholding of fruitful, Adam-and-Eve-not-Adam-and-Steve nuclear family life? At least in Lander, sex sells sex inequality.
Red Canyon along the Popo Agie River near Lander, WY.
Reflecting on my own coming-of-age in Cheyenne in the 1990s, I realized that abortion was always banned in Wyoming, just not officially.In fact, while I know women from Wyoming who have had abortions, I don’t know anyone who had her abortion performed in Wyoming. I also realized that when I drove across state lines from Wyoming into Colorado (on my way toward the liberal oasis of Denver for music, art, and culture), those Pro-Life billboards showing an ultrasound photo of a fetus with a heartbeat line were strategically placed. They were meant to be seen as I retreated from Wyoming, on the highway to hell, to the land of Godless abortion access.
Looking into the history of abortion clinics in Wyoming, the first article to appear in my search engine results was an Associated Press article about how, nearly one year ago, an anti-abortion, 22-year-old female college student burned down a new, soon-to-open abortion clinic in Casper. The clinic eventually opened despite the latest tenuous and restrictive abortion bans in the state (none of which existed when it originally intended to welcome patients). Before opening this clinic in Casper, only medication abortions were provided in a women’s health center in Jackson (in the far northwest corner of the state, below Yellowstone National Park, where the population has been slowly declining because no one but Dick Cheney and other millionaires can afford to live there). Moreover, as Mead Gruver for the AP reports, “[s]urgical abortions haven’t been available in a dedicated Wyoming clinic in at least a decade.” 13Mead Gruver, “Wyoming Abortion Clinic Opens Despite Arson, Legal Obstacles,” AP News, publised April 20, 2023, https://apnews.com/article/wyoming-abortion-clinic-arson-opens-f149c165fdaa0956fecdbff75488f7cb.
I acknowledge the changed tone in this essay since I began it by academically laying out the history of Wyoming woman suffrage. I’m not trying to pivot into an argument for my Pro-Choice politics and further ponder the internalized misogyny that has young women at the forefront of anti-abortion activism. I know this debate is a true screaming match in which the only side we hear is our own. Yet, politics get more personal as we move into our contemporaneity.
In truth, I’ve screamed in futile rage at the Pro-Life billboards I continue to see peppering the desolate flat prairie you contend with when you drive through Wyoming. The billboards don’t show fetuses and heartbeats anymore; they exhibit babies and young children with pleading eyes. One depicts a little girl in a pink leotard and tutu with a thought bubble reading: “When I grow up, I want to be a ballerina!”
“AND WHO WILL PAY FOR YOUR EXPENSIVE BALLET LESSONS?” I have shrieked at her, an innocent poster child for a fight she is unaware of. “WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR YOUR BIRTH,” I add, myself a married, childless adult without health care who could not afford a birth even if I decided to carry an unplanned pregnancy to term before putting the baby up for adoption. And this is a horrible reason–being poor!–to have to give up a child you sacrifice nine months of physical comfort for before getting a perineal tear and praying to God that you aren’t another victim of the inexplicably high maternal mortality rates in this obscenely wealthy, “developed” nation.
In Sinks Canyon, near Lander, WY.
If we cherish life, why aren’t we working on making this world liveable for all people with heartbeats? Why not just open up a free dance studio for the economically depressed?
But look at me, getting sucked into “preaching to the choir,” rekindling the holier-than-thou tone of my radical youth. What was I talking about again? Oh, yes. Wyoming: the equality state. Or, riffing on its other nickname, the cowboy state where cowboys granted women suffrage so women could vote against their emancipation. Big Wyoming, where, for at least a limited time, you can get a medication abortion while two women’s health clinics are left standing to cover a state the size of the United Kingdom.
Massie, “The Roots of Woman Suffrage in Wyoming”; Massie expands on the complicated feelings surrounding woman suffrage in the South Pass: “Ironically, South Pass City opposed woman suffrage as much as, or more than, any other Wyoming settlement at the same time that Bright ‘s sponsorship of the woman suffrage bill and Morris’ tenure as justice were focusing national attention on the town. The general opposition to woman suffrage included both sexes, for most of the women refused to become involved in politics— voting or otherwise. As a result of this attitude, Esther Morris, a Republican, was the only woman to attend South Pass City’s Democratic meeting in September, 1870, and only eight women, 11 percent of the eligible female electorate, voted in the ensuing elections.” Moreover, as Massie goes on to discuss, these feelings were quickly reversed: “By late 1871, most of the remaining citizens in the Sweetwater mining district had gradually accepted woman suffrage, particularly after witnessing Esther Morris’ success as a justice of the peace. Thus, the area’s antagonism toward woman suffrage was declining while opposition in the territory was increasing.”
5
According to Tennessee Jane Watson in an interview for Wyoming Public Radio with The Wyoming Community Foundation, while enrollment of non-white students in the public school system is on the rise, and non-white people make up 15% of the Wyoming population (which is already the least populated state in the U.S.), it is still a majority White state. (“Does Race Matter in Wyoming?” published on November 6, 2020, https://www.wyomingpublicmedia.org/open-spaces/2020-11-06/does-race-matter-in-wyoming.) Additionally, if you want to find the equivalent form of xenophobic pulse-taking like Massie’s study of 19th-century periodicals in the Sweetwater Mining Distritct, check out the Reddit threads regarding Wyoming. In this one, “In Riverton, Arrest Data Shows Large Racial Disparities Persist,” accesed on May 30, 2023, Wyomingites show their true colors: https://www.reddit.com/r/wyoming/comments/11osfyj/in_riverton_arrest_data_shows_large_racial/.
6
“Woman Suffrage.”
7
Massie, “The Roots of Woman Suffrage in Wyoming.”
8
While Wyoming indeed ratified the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) in 1973, guaranteeing equal rights for all U.S. citizens regardless of sex, the ERA never received enough votes in Congress to make it a nationally recognized and guaranteed amendment. I only point this out because the thirteenth amendment, which passed in 1865, abolished slavery and gave all men equal rights regardless of race. This defense of the rights of men regardless of race or country of origin and the subsequent snubbing of women as fully recognized citizens exemplifies the perpetually fraught social justice enterprise of simultaneously opposing racism and sexism. Moreover, the lack of constitutional language that guarantees the rights of all citizens regardless of sex (and this very much includes the reversal of Roe vs. Wade) has rendered queer and non-binary folks particularly vulnerable. Currently, we are witnessing a tumult of anti-Drag Queen and anti-trans legislation (that most disturbingly takes the form of denying children access to gender-affirming health care), which something like the ERA would have helped us better oppose.
9
I don’t think it’s a controversial point to argue that Dick Cheney is a power-hungry monster who used his advanced political position to expand executive power and amass his own personal wealth as much as possible. As Conor Friedersdorf reminds us in his article for The Atlantic, “Remembering Why Americans Loathe Dick Cheney, ”he had an approval rating of 13% by the time he left his office as the Vice President. And for many good reasons: During the Iraq war, he and Donald Rumsfeld created their own “alternative intelligence agency” in order to hype up the need for war by spreading false information and thereby cementing his own power and authority while getting rich through his private business association with Halliburton. Friedersdorf expands on how Cheney achieved slimeball status: “After Cheney enriched himself by exploiting contacts with various corrupt Arab autocrats that he made while drawing a public salary, he returned to public life as vice president. Halliburton donated to his campaign, and got numerous lucrative contracts during the Bush administration’s tenure, even as it was discovered to have overcharged the U.S. for prior services rendered.” Most notably, in terms of faulty information, Cheney and Rumsfeld claimed there was evidence of “weapons of mass destruction” in Iraq when they knew they were non-existent. They also falsely linked Saddam Hussein with the terrorist group Al Qaeda. Cheney also has admitted to being instrumental in instituting waterboarding, a form of torture, as a legit interrogation tactic during the Bush Administration. And, he ensured that innocent prisoners stayed indefinitely at Guantanamo Bay by giving the U.S. power to detain these people without allowing them a fair trial. Friedersdorf also reminds us that Cheney initiated “an NSA operation to monitor the phone calls and emails of U.S. citizens without a warrant, part of which later became known as the Terrorist Surveillance Program.” For a full account, see Friedersdorf’s article, published on August 30, 2011: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2011/08/remembering-why-americans-loathe-dick-cheney/244306/.
Eric Lutz, “Wyoming Becomes First State to Ban Abortion Pills,” Vanity Fair, published March 18, 2023, https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2023/03/wyoming-becomes-first-state-to-ban-abortion-pills; We should note that Wyoming has stayed conservative throughout its political history even as the reputation for conservatism switched from Democrats to Republicans after the 19th century.
Art review on Sam Grabowska’s “Intake,” an AI-generated art installation and psychotherapeutic shelter, at Denver’s Understudy gallery.
Here’s an excerpt from my latest review:
Pondering the word “intake,” the Oxford Dictionary states: “a location or structure through which something is taken.” Considering Grabowska’s academic background in architecture and cultural anthropology, their interest in shelter notably permeates their oeuvre as they take viewers, psychically or physically, into sculptural habitats. Furthermore, conceiving shelters as locations of curative safeguarding, Grabowska focuses on traumatized individuals yearning for salubrious intake beyond or adjacent to an inhospitable and overwhelming milieu.
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In February 2023, I went to the Chez Artiste, my favorite independent film theater on South Colorado Boulevard in Denver. “One for Corsage,” I told the elderly woman at the register. Theater number one was almost finished with the previous screening, so I paced around the lobby, looking at the DIY staff poster board displays about current features. Pinned to the poster board with the heading, TÁR, were two reviews: A.O. Scott’s take for The New York Times and Marin Alsop’s comments in The Los Angeles Times.
Alsop’s name rang a bell because she conducted the Colorado Symphony. Also, a year earlier at the Chez Artiste, the theater showed The Conductor, a documentary highlighting the grounds Alsop broke as a female conductor. Recognizing a reference to herself in the titular character of Todd Field’s Tár, played by Cate Blanchett, Alsop stated, “I was offended: I was offended as a woman, I was offended as a conductor, I was offended as a lesbian.” My eyes moved from Alsop’s statements to a picture of Blanchett standing imperiously in a stiff white collar, baton in hand, and I decided I was offended too.
Later, after the film awards ceremonies, a friend asked me if I had watched Tár. I told her I had little interest in seeing a woman behave like Shakespeare’s Richard III to impress old, white-man colleagues. “The reviews are mostly bad and wrong,” she replied. Trusting her instincts, I finally rented Tár (and told her to watch Corsage).
For the first half of the film, I held my pre-judgments. The long opening credits (playing Tár’s recording of a Shipibo-Conibo singer during her ethnographic work in Peru) surely signaled the start of a long, self-congratulating art film. Indeed, I read several reviews aligning Field with cinematic geniuses Stanley Kubrick and Andrei Tarkovsky. While deserving of these comparisons, Tár’s fast-paced dialogue and images differ significantly from Kubrick and Tarkovsky’s slow-paced, quiet scenes. Tár bombards its audience with a barrage of words and images at such a rate that superficially analyzing the film requires frequent hits on the pause button.
I held my guard up as the film moved into the much-discussed masterclass-at-Julliard scene. In this scene, Tár reprehends a self-identified pangender, BIPOC student, Max, who insists that the dead, classical European music canon is just not his “thing” (same, Max, same). Tár is crass at Julliard. She smirks at Max’s responses to her questions. When she asks Max why they chose to attend Julliard, they flatly respond that it is the nation’s best music school. Retorting that Julliard is “a brand,” Tár digs for Max’s deeper compulsions, so Max discloses an admiration for former Juilliard graduate and violinist Sarah Chang. While Tár wants to uncover Max’s passion for music and conducting, a fair interest for a mentor, she finds Max cliché and so suffocates their responses with her own effusions about the music she prefers, also notably cliché.
Alsop sprang to my mind again when Tár, seated next to Max on a piano bench, violently clamped down on Max’s nervously shaking leg and said, “Don’t be so eager to be offended. The narcissism of small differences leads to the most boring conformity.” Aware of her own provocativeness, Tár decidedly scoffs at the contemporary piece Max chooses to conduct by Icelandic composer Anna Thovaldsdottir (remarking how the strings “behave as if they’re tuning” and the composer’s directions “sound like René Redzepi’s recipe for reindeer”). Thus, as Tár targets Max, the film targets its audience and all of the real-life musicians, composers, and conductors it name-drops, letting us know that it aims to offend everybody.
The film aims at its audience from the first scene, featuring New Yorker writer, Adam Gopnik, playing himself and fawning over Tár’s illustrious resume for a packed stadium of chittering admirers. Gopnik lends unwavering realism to the scene, creating the strong impression he’s leading a recent interview with a real, renowned person we know embarrassingly little about ( the opening introduces us to Tár, making us instant experts–a jury poised for a guilty verdict). This initial scene also serves as a masque or an allegorical performance of a highly educated, liberal audience’s relationship to Tár’s soon-to-be-controversial celebrity, holding a mirror up to us as we watch.
This mirror is the first of many, both literal and figurative, in Tár. Offering a reflection of a reflection of a reflection . . . Tár creates an infinity mirror effect visually and in its textual content. As I argue, the many reflections or repetitions of words and images throughout the film highlight Tár’s postmodern anxiety regarding pastiche, or, the fear that everything one creates, including one’s self, is a copy of something else. Indeed, Tár and Field, as the film’s maestro, possess this fear as much as Tár the character.
These self-referential codes in the film run both backward and forward, like a palindrome, of which Tár includes several (as included in the title of this essay, accompanied by an additional anagram for Tár: “art”). Such palindromic play references Kubrick (think, “redrum” from The Shining), who Field worked with, ostensibly aligning Tár’s concern about mimicking her mentors with Field’s similar concern. The temporality of the film too, moving backward and forward between past and present, presents an increasingly frenzied chiasmus that offensively overwhelms us with meaning while withholding any certifiable truths.
II. Hear and Now
Emphasizing its interest in the “now,” Tár begins en medias res with the Gopnik interview, alluding to our post-COVID, #metoo, “cancel culture” moment–a myriad of current, hot-topic phenomena that eagerly offend us.The film also introduces us to such cultural tensions by playing with the words “kayvanah” and “Kavanaugh.”Discussing her mentor, conductor Leonard Bernstein (who, in real life, mentored Alsop), Tár establishes his use of “kayvanah, [the] Hebrew word for attention to meaning or intent.” Gopnik comments that the audience might mishear this unfamiliar word with the more familiar “Kavanaugh,” as in Brett Kavanaugh, the associate justice in the Supreme Court who Christine Blasey Ford accused of sexual assault.
Ignoring Gopnik’s observation, Tár expounds on her mentor’s idea with the rhetorical question, “What are the composer’s priorities and what are yours, and how do they complement one another?” Thinking about this Tár-Bernstein emphasis on interpretation, the film also conducts how we navigate these current headlines and implicitly asks us to consider its priorities as opposed to ours.
By the end of my first viewing of the film, I immediately rewatched it to discover and contemplate the many homonymic mishearings and other word plays in the film. Additionally, after rerunning the film, I noticed that hearing “Kavanaugh” as an invitation to take offense (to dismiss Tár because of the parallels between her and others marked by “toxic masculinity”) blocked my ability to unpack anything more profound in the film. Put differently, if we hear an invitation to offense, we miss the film’s absent ideological allegiances.
The film asks us to sit uncomfortably with urgent cultural issues, denying us the reward of validation from seeing our beliefs (on the right side of a political debate) played back to us. The film thereby alerts us to our problematic expectation for such validation. It also critiques the politically bipartisan U.S. for manufacturing an illusory black-and-white world in which a right and wrong side exist for everything, including artistic representation. In this way, the film forces us to hear both kayvanh and Kavanaugh, drawing a connection between the debates shaping our current perspectives and the Tár-Bernstein question rephrased as: What are the film’s priorities and what are yours, and how do they complement one another?
III. Watch, Repeat
The film’s implicit request to watch and rewatch it contributes to its head-scrambling infinity mirror effect. For instance, the Julliard scene replays itself later in the film as a heavily-edited video uploaded to social media. This video pulls out the most memorable details from the situation, proving that our memory also works to take Tár’s abrasiveness out of context.
The social media upload begins with Tár stating, “You must be a Negro product exploited by the Jews,” while showing Tár swinging a punch at Max’s head. This violent gesture recurs when Tár says, “Now, you could masturbate, but what are you actually doing to me?” as she clamps down on Max’s leg. When I watched the first Julliard scene, in the “real-time” of the film, the “punctums,” or emotionally striking moments, included these very gestures and words that, re-edited to create a parallel narrative, highlight something truthful about the violence enacted by Tár.1I misuse Roland Barthes critical term. “Punctum,” as Barthes uses it, denotes the “prick” a certain image delivers to viewers who have an intensely private, emotional response to what they view. In fact, Tár experiences a form of “punctum” in the emotional response she has to music, which she tries to translate to others. In my use of punctum, the emotional responses I had to the Julliard scene were more social than individual as I imagined myself being offended on grounds of sex, race and gender that are all socially informed. Speaking of Barthes, this very essay references him and his book S/Z, in which he succumbs to his desire to analyze every word from a short piece of fiction. Similarly, I offer a lengthy reflection of Tár out of the desire to analyze every minute of it.
Illuminating how my memory worked to re-imagine the initial scene, I failed to connect Tár’s opening line with Edgar Varése. After Max expresses admiration for Varése, Tár quotes Varése’s impression of jazz music to gloat over Max’s ignorance and hypocrisy. While I remembered all of Tár’s lines re-presented in the video, I failed to recollect the full circumstances because, although her speech is staggeringly composed, her fast pace and academic content purposefully lost me. And so, the re-formatting of the Julliard scene struck me as only mildly tampered with since I remembered condemning Tár’s behavior in the original circumstance but couldn’t recall the full context.
During her interrogation by the Berlin Philharmonic Board about the video, Tár defends herself by stating, “[the video] create[s] linguistic traps to completely redefine my words . . . There’s no way that was done in real time.” This statement reminds us that the film, too, creates linguistic traps and intentionally edits scenes to control our experience of filmic temporality. Considering temporality, the film suggests a ghost story from the initial shot. Showing the phone screen of an unidentified person filmingTár asleep on a private jet, one person texts, “Our girls an early riser inst she [sic].” To which the other responds, “haunted.” Indeed, Tár cannot shake the phantom of her former, mistreated protegee (and possible lover), Krista, who kills herself early on in the film. As a reflection of Tár’s haunted psychological experience, the film continually repeats and recontextualizes the past.
While we never see Krista’s face, we become familiar with her shoulder-length copper hair as her specter sporadically flashes on the screen. Furthermore, Tár repeatedly fails to erase Krista’s phantasmic trace from her life. Early in the film, she notably and weakly attempts to clear her inbox of any correspondence with or about Krista (she also takes her assistant’s, Francesca’s, laptop to do the same). Of course, Tár spotlights her guilt by confirming her abusiveness through several emails she writes. These emails discourage various orchestras from sponsoring Krista as an Accordion scholar (Tár’s organization that mentors female conductors and pairs them with esteemed orchestras).
This vengeful spirit shows up in Tár’s dreams and returns in Tár’s waking life as a lawsuit backed by her grieving parents (removing Tár from the board of Accordion). Through this mechanism of the ghost story, the film signals the past, which remains only partially revealed to us. Moreover, “accordion” (an instrument Tár is pictured playing in childhood and seen playing in a memorable scene when she aggravates her neighbors) relates to the film’s treatment of time, which moves in and out like an accordion.
IV. As In The Beginning, So In The End 2 This phrase is an antimetabole, not a chiasmus.
The film’s obsession with chiasmus (a rhetorical device that states things in the reverse of its original order) comes across through Krista’s ghost (forcing us to revisit Tár’s past) and ubiquitous palindromes. After quitting her position when Tár fails to advance her conducting career, Francesca leaves behind a copy of Tár’s manuscript in the apartment she hurriedly vacates. Tár finds the manuscript with the title, Tár on Tár, crossed out and Rat on Rat written in its place, pointing out the fitting palindrome of Tár’s name (a name that Tár invents as we learn when Tár returns to her New England childhood home littered with certificates and awards for “Linda Tarr”). Additionally, Krista writes an email to Francesca with the subject heading: Tárget. Tár herself, on a plane from New York to Berlin, writes “AT RISK” underneath Krista’s name in her notebook, an anagram, before crossing it out.
Before writing “AT RISK,” we find Tár in the bathroom, unwrapping a gift from Krista, Vita Sackville-West’s novel, The Challenge (Sackville-West was an early 20th-century modernist, lesbian writer who famously had an affair with Virginia Woolf). This novel revolves around two women who, as they vacation together one summer, decide to spend their lives together. Ultimately, though, they return to their respective homes and husbands. Pausing this scene as Tár turns to the book’s title page, you’ll find it decorated with a design widely used by the Shipibo-Conibo. Later in the film, when Francesca tearfully informs Tár of Krista’s suicide, we discover that Tár, Krista, and Francesca spent a summer together on the Ucayali River (in the Peruvian region of the Shipibo-Conibo).3Significantly, Francesca, who usually wears her hair in neat updos, wears her hair down in the same style and cut as Krista in this scene. In this way, a chain of palindromes and textual allusions presents the mysterious love triangle between these women.
Chiasmus is also visually codified in the many mirrors and reflections we see in the film. At the film’s end, Tár peruses her scorebook in a vacant dressing room in the Philippines (where she is exiled after her dismissal from the Berlin Philharmonic) before her final conducting performance in the film. She sits facing a mirror that creates an infinity effect, and after receiving her stage call, she walks through a hallway marked by similar, repeating door frames. She stands backstage breathing nervously, just as she did at the film’s beginning, before appearing in front of the audience for her New Yorker talk.
When the end credits roll as the theme to the video game Monster Hunter erupts from the orchestra and the camera pans out to a cosplay audience, the end credits provide a framing device with the opening credits. However, instead of singing from a Shipibo-Conibo person, music from Monster Hunter plays followed by a dub-step production (both of which, of course, are jarringly out-of-step with the rest of the film’s soundtrack). Ending as it begins in terms of style, the film presents itself in an infinite loop, with Tár’s fall to the “lowbrow” linking back to the pinnacle of her career. What’s more, in a display of poetic justice, Tár conducts a children’s orchestra–Krista also conducted a children’s orchestra (as we learn from a brief glimpse of Krista’s obituary).
V. Psychological, Ethnocentric Horror
If you watch the film’s beginning after it ends, the opening’s disjointed flashbacks, now contextualized with the rest of the narrative, become available for analysis. On a second view, for instance, we might better guess the identities of the mysterious people derisively texting about Tár as one films her asleep under an eye mask. Assumedly, Tár is on her way to New York for her interview on the private jet that benefactor Eliot Kaplan loans to her (as long as she bolsters his own conducting ambitions). After this conversation, one texter suggests that the unconscious Tár “has a conscience,” and the other responds, “you still love her then.”
Considering the evidence, Francesca must be filming Tár as she texts with someone else, perhaps Krista? Indeed, during the interview, we glimpse the back of Krista’s head among the audience. Furthermore, after the interview, we see another live video phone chat where the person holding the phone shows how Tár rented renowned Spanish opera singer Plácido Domingo’s room for herself. One of them comments, “she thinks she is being iconic.”
Yet, when we last see these two people texting in the film, at Tár’s book launch, Francesca and Krista are gone from her life. In this scene, Olga, the new cellist in the Berlin Philharmonic (or, Tár’s “fresh meat,” as one Twitter commenter in the film observes), accompanies Tár on her trip. Before the camera cuts to the anonymous person’s phone screen, Tár jealously watches Olga flirting with a young man in the back of the room, typing something on her phone before sharing her screen with him. Therefore, Olga, like Francesca and Krista, is an unlikely culprit for directing the video chat as we see her distracted, uninterested, and in a different part of the audience than the mysterious texter.
Several critics have reviewed this film as a psychological horror in which, as the film progresses, it becomes increasingly difficult to separate what happens in Tár’s head from what happens in objective reality. Considering this reading, Tár’s paranoia and inner critic feasibly compose these messages. Therefore, as Tár imagines watching herself at her own book reading, observing Olga’s apathy and fearing a similar failure to reach the rest of her audience, she critiques herself, jeering, “fuck me if she uses allegory” (as one texter comments, reflecting Tár’s own brutal inner editor). When we first see Tár in the film, blinded and asleep, we may also interpret this moment as a dream or hallucination, in which Tár, feeling vulnerable (as someone blindfolded before being shot–which she is, by a camera), imagines being filmed and maligned by others.
Further considering Tár as a psychological horror, the dream sequences in the film unveil Tár’s inner world or the conscience she may or may not have. These sequences appear from behind a lens immersed in water as if Tár watches from inside an aquarium. This aquarium effect recalls Tár’s visit to the “fishbowl.” At the film’s end, Tár visits a massage parlor in the Philippines, where the receptionist directs her to “the fishbowl”–a room with sex workers in numbered robes. Number five boldly locks eyes with Tár, seeming to choose her. The number five signals both Mahler’s Fifth Symphony (the piece Tár conducts for the Berlin Philharmonic before her dismissal) and the letter “S,” for Sharon, Tár’s wife, sometimes referred to as “S.” As Tár interprets Mahler’s Fifth as a symphony about love and marriage, the invocation of these ideas at this moment horrifyingly underlines their nonappearance. Instead, a new ghost from the past, beyond Krista, appears to haunt Tár.
Tár’s lovers inhabit Tár’s shadowy dreamscape. In one dream, Krista holds Tár in a violent embrace. After Francesca leaves Tár, Tár dreams that Francesca whispers to Sharon and Olga as they stare at her. This whispering reminds us of Tár mentioning to Sharon her fear of “Chinese whispers,” a sinophobic phrase alluding to the incomprehensible sound of Mandarin or Cantonese to anglophones. Literally, “Chinese whisper” means a “game of telephone,” in which an original statement gets increasingly distorted through numerous retellings. In the background of this dream, a man from the Shipibo-Conibo (who Tár has framed in a picture in the Berlin apartment she keeps separately from her family and who renames a nameless idol) silently presides in the background.
These dreams highlight the colonial trope of using non-western cultures as stand-ins for otherworldly or spiritual out-of-timeliness and augment the film’s horror. The colonial horror of the film directly refers to Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness (and sadistic, imperialist Kurtz’s final proclamation, “the horror, the horror”) since, at the end of the film, Tár ends up in the Philippines where Francis Ford Coppola shot Apocalypse Now, based on Conrad’s novel.
For most of the film, Tár uses Peru to invoke the “horror” of the past. After we hear a member of the Shipibo-Conibo people singing in the opening credits, we learn, in Tár’s discussion with Gopnik, that the Shipibo-Conibo only sing when they are on “the spirit side,” connected to an alternate realm inhabited by their ancestors. Indeed, before Tár composes her piano piece in her Berlin apartment (the apartment with the photograph of the Shipibo-Conibo man from her dreams hovering over her, obscured by smoke–a symbol of the communicative pathway between earth and heaven), she ritualistically lights two candelabras on either side of a mirror, presumably calling “the spirit.”
This ritual also works to conjure Krista, who, after Tár’s first enactment of this ritual, appears in the distance, in another room, as Tár fetches a scroll to mark her notations. Additionally, in this scene, Tár’s work is interrupted for the first time by the alarm of her dying neighbor’s medical device, a harbinger of death. In this way, Tár flattens Shipibo-Conibo culture to lend spirituality and another ghostly layer of experience to Tár’s world.4We could also think about how Kubrick, in The Shining, uses the “magical negro” trope with the inclusion of a black clairvoyant as well as in the film’s allusions to the brutal past of Western expansion resulting in the confiscation of Native land and the murder of many Native Americans. In this way, Tár again presents itself as Kubrickian pastiche.
Tár’s exile to the Philippines at the film’s end also magnifies Tár’s demotion to the dilapidated “third world,” visibly devoid of “high” Western culture and art. As the film hops around different countries, it also reveals the many temporarily-inhabited homes of Tár: the sterile high-end Plácido Domingo room equipped with a grand piano in New York, the unwelcoming brutalist Berlin apartment Tár shares with her family, the separate studio she invokes the spirit from and composes her music in (she also courted Sharon while living in this apartment; later, she courts Olga who practices her cello solo there), and her final room in the Philippines that, as she pulls open the curtain over the windows, reveals a panorama of a city not often referenced in western film (and so unknown and incomprehensible, like a “Chinese whisper”).
Unlike Peru, which represents the past and the otherworldly, the Philippines represent dystopic futurity (“Asian-ifying” the future as iconic science fiction films such as Blade Runner do). The idea of “dystopia” is also cited when Cirio, one of Tár’s guides, dissuades her from swimming in a river left crocodile-infested after “a Marlon Brando movie” (Apocalypse Now) was filmed there in the 1970s. Through this direct reference, the film acknowledges its postcolonial bungling and, once again, invites our offense.
VI. Postmodern Robots
As Max storms out of the Julliard classroom, Tár calls them a “robot,” her favorite insult, which she uses multiple times throughout the film. Indeed, “robot” is uttered so frequently that it becomes a robotic cliche, invoked by the film as if to say that finding offense to its content proves that you, too, are a mindless slave to vapid, millennial social scripts. It also points to Tár’s Freudian overcompensation–she repeatedly exhorts that others are robots to deflect her fear of exposing herself as one. Neither Tár nor we escape this cultural critique and the phenomenological possibility that we are all made robots by our shared social-political context. In this way, we have no choice but to fall in line with what our moment in history demands because our identities, pleasures, interests, and abhorrences are all pre-established and inherited.
The film’s anxious preoccupation with postmodernism, in which everything said or created reveals itself as a copy of something else, illuminates this fear of being seen as a robot, unable to exceed its programming and invent something new. During a lunch with her predecessor, Andris Davis, Tár talks about writing her book, Tár on Tár. She tells Andris that she is “stuck in pastiche,” and Andris responds, of course, ”[W]e all have the same musical grammar.” Andris then proves that Beethoven plagiarized Mozart, depressing Tár, who wants to liberate herself from mimesis or imitative art.
Tár wants to create something unique but fears that she is just another repetition of her predecessors, particularly Leonard Bernstein, who she constantly quotes. Bernstein believes the conductor interprets the past for the audience and, in this way, as modernist icon Ezra Pound insisted, “make[s] it new.” Drawing this parallel to Pound, I suggest that since the early 20th century, art and culture grew self-aware of the predominance and inescapability of pastiche.
In the Julliard scene, Tár rephrases Bernstein’s idea when she proclaims, “Now is the time to conduct . . . music that everybody knows but will hear differently when you interpret it for them.” Tár wants to bypass the dilemma of repetition without end by privileging the genius of interpretation and elevating the status of the interpreter (conductor) over that of the creator (composer). Otherwise, one becomes a “robot” capable of appreciating human culture without contributing to it. In her passionate decry, though, she repeats Bernstein’s ideas, exposing the unoriginality of her very passion. Thus, as she criticizes Max for lacking similar fervor she reveals her own struggle to access a motivation or an idea that doesn’t already come from something or someone else.
Additionally, for Bernstein and Tár, the conductor liberates the audience from a language-based experience of consciousness and the world through the conductor’s interpretation of emotion. Emotion transcends language by communicating a deeply felt understanding without words, thereby evading cliches and scripted language. During her interview with Gopnik, Tár discusses her preparations to conduct Mahler’s Fifth Symphony as the head conductor of Berlin’s Philharmonic (the only one of Mahler’s nine symphonies unrecorded by her, showing Tár in the middle of a linear trajectory or en medias res where the film itself begins). She further explains to Gopnik that she interprets this piece as an expression of “love” since Mahler composed it soon after marrying his wife, Alma (who, Tár notes, later betrayed him for another man). Therefore, love allows Tár to present this symphony in a way not heard before.
VII. If I Only Had A Heart
The film juxtaposes Tár’s interest in accessing and translating emotion and love in music to her cold “transactions” with the people in her life (as Sharon, during an argument with Tár, observes that most of Tár’s relationships are “transactional”). In fact, instead of emotion, Tár finds marriage bound by “rules.” This idea arises when Tár and Francesca drive to the airport after Tár’s interview with Gopnik. Implored by Tár to speak honestly about her interview, Francesca admits to disliking Tár’s discussion of Mahler’s marriage to Alma, noting that Tár exaggerated Alma’s betrayal. Francesca reminds Tár that Alma was a conductor, but Mahler insisted (and here they quote the apocrypha together), “There isn’t enough room for two assholes in the house.” Tár goes on to lecture Francesca that Alma understood her position, saying, “She agreed to those rules . . . #RulesOfTheGame.” Although the specific “rules” she refers to remain unclear.
For Tár, while one chooses to ventriloquize social scripts from social media (like a robot), one necessarily abides by social contracts, such as marriage. Notably, Tár ironically invokes the language of the “robot,” which follows the rules instead of making them, when she uses a hashtag to make her point. Tár’s slippage reveals a disavowal of the idea that everyone implicitly consents to the #RulesOfTheGame and thus their unfreedom.
Additionally, this conversation takes place in transit through a tunnel. In fact, several scenes are shot in tunnels suggesting the film’s “tunnel vision,” or how it blocks our peripheral vision, precluding an understanding of the whole picture. In this tunnel scene, the “rules” prevent Tár’s view of a complete understanding of love and marriage. The general “tunnel vision” of the film includes the limited outlook we get from within Tár’s psyche, seeing everything from her eyes, which limits an understanding of the ideas and parts of her life she renounces.
These unclear and implicit rules of marriage come up again in the Julliard scene when Max and Tár debate Bach by considering if his “prodigious performance in the marriage bed” impacts the value and quality of his music.While Max’s disdain for Bach’s sexual behavior makes those of us unfamiliar with his biography wonder how many illegitimate children Bach begat, Bach, in fact, had ten children (surviving into adulthood) from two separate marriages.Bach’s sizable brood only underlines his active sex life with his spouses (ugh, breeders!).
Tár, of course, has one adopted child, Petra, and no reproductive evidence of the in/activity of her own sex life. Put crudely, the rumors about her promiscuity lack the evidence of bastards. Interestingly, as Tár contemplates Max’s dislike for Bach, she boasts that she, as a “Uhaul lesbian,” cannot commend Beethoven’s biography. In this way, Tár proves to Max that she also occupies a queer subjectivity and knows the modern slang accompanying it. Yet, “Uhaul lesbian,” referring to the serial monogamy of lesbians who, after briefly knowing a partner, move in with that partner, doesn’t fit what we observe about Tár–or shouldn’t because she is married.
When it comes to the “rules” of marriage and being an admirable spouse, Tár lies and has alleged affairs with younger women. In the scene where we first meet Sharon, we learn about her heart condition. Sharon’s heart, as a metonym for love, illuminates a marriage problem. Tár, arriving home from New York after her Gopnik interview, finds Sharon frantic because she cannot find her metoprolol. Indeed, she cannot find it because Tár pilfers these pills to use for herself (we see her first taking one to calm her nerves before she goes on stage to meet Gopnik). In other words, Tár controls Sharon’s heart and deliberately deprives it of what it needs to function properly.
Pretending to find a “loose pill” in a drawer, Tár gives Sharon her medication and puts on a song to lower her heart rate. Over the instrumental music, Tár sings, “I’m feelin’ a feelin’ for something there ain’t too much of.” Again, the “feelin’” of this marriage is lacking, and as Tár goes through the motions of spousal care and affection, the content of the song she sings underlines its absence.
Later in the film, after Sharon learns of Tár’s expulsion as the head of Accordion, Sharon again refers to the “rules.” During this argument, Tár presumes Sharon is upset by the rumors of Tár’s various affairs with young women, which Sharon surprisingly deems “forgivable.” Instead, the rules Sharon expects Tár to follow include reporting any threat to their family. In the absence of love, the rules, or the contract, matter most. Sharon also concludes the argument by stating that Tár’s relationship with Petra is Tár’s only “non-transactional” relationship. By stating this, Sharon lets Tár know that she always understood their relationship to be transactional–she understood the rules of marrying an “asshole” conductor and never expected complete love and devotion.
VIII. The Misogamist-Misogynist
Tár’s focus on the archive of love and marriage regarding classical music composers illuminates her unrealized emotional and domestic fantasies. Moreover, in an ironic moment between Tár and her assistant conductor, Sebastien (who Tár wants to have replaced), we learn the word for a person who hates marriage–misogamy. When Tár enters Sebastien’s office to dismiss him, the discussion turns into a volley of insults in which Sebastien accuses Tár of eliciting sex from her protegees in exchange for professional advancement. Tár calls Sebastien a “misogamist, which he hears as “misogynist.”
Tár clarifies that his hatred for marriage comes across in his pursuit of Aldris, an already married man. This mishearing, in line with the other homophones in Tár (including kayvanah and Kavanaugh), emphasizes the significance of both words. In this case, these designations apply to Tár. Additionally, both terms are at play in destroying marriage by emphasizing fear over love.
In another instance of homophonic slippage, Tár sees a doctor in Berlin who examines nerve damage she acquires under mysterious circumstances. Hearing the doctor diagnose her with “nostalgia,” the doctor corrects her, restating, “notalgia, without a ‘s.’” No “s” signifies Sharon, referred to as “S,” and implies Tár’s dearth of happy associations with the part of her past shared with Sharon. Nostalgia without a “Sharon” thereby refers to Krista, the primary ghost haunting Tár.
Tár thus diagnoses herself with painful nostalgia, which denotes nostos (return) and algos (pain) in the Greek roots of the word. When Tár tells the doctor that the notalgia feels akin to a sunburn, she refers to both the pain of her injury and her past. In a preceding dream sequence, when Tár’s bed catches on fire in the middle of the Ucayali River (where Francesca, Krista, and Tár traveled together), “burning” pain is visualized as a side effect of nostalgia. The doctor prescribes nothing for her symptoms, ensuring they will go away on their own, just as nostalgia has no cure but to allow for more time.
Returning to a closer look at the misogamy-misogyny exchange betweenTár and Sebastien, the homophones in this scene also underscore Tár’s fear that she is embarrassingly akin to Sebastien. For example, earlier in the film, Tár maligns Sebastien to fellow conductor Eliott Kaplan and calls him (changing Kaplan’s description of him from Mr. Tempo Rubato to Robot-o, the first utterance of “robot” in the film) a robot. As noted, Tár’s repeated use of this insult indicates her anxieties about being a sub-par maestro herself.
During this lunch with Kaplan, Tár also notes Sebastian’s perverse “fetish” to collect such objects as “dead-stock pencils [Herbert] von Karajan holds in photos.”5 Notably, this queer-phobic trope of the “perverse collector” recalls Production Code-era film noirs that align homosexuality with dangerous “abnormailty.” In Otto Preminger’s Laura [1944], the film’s effete villain, Waldo Lydecker–played by Clifton Webb–collects valuable objects and proves his dual misogyny and misogamy when he attempts to murder his female protegee, Laura. When Tár later enters Sebastien’s office, she directs his attention to one of his prized artifacts, distracting him. Stealing a prized pen he often holds and anxiously clicks, Tár references the moment she stills Max’s quaking leg (and proves that she has a knack for making people nervous).
On the one hand, Tár divests Sebastien of his power, his pen, which reminds us of von Karajan’s pencils and looks like a conductor’s baton. (Earlier in the film, as Petra plays “orchestra” with her stuffed animals, Tár tells her “it isn’t a democracy” when she gives all of her animals pencils to serve as batons. With Sebastien, she enacts her right to the role of tyrant not only by taking away the pencil but by doing so without allowing the committee to vote on it.) On the other hand, she draws attention to herself as a fellow “perverse” collector.
Tár collects other things too. After her Gopnik interview, a young woman approaches Tár, and Tár shows more interest in the woman’s red, designer handbag than the woman herself. (Additionally, when Tár first sees Olga in the bathroom at the Berlin Philharmonic, she takes note of her shoes in order to confirm her suspicion that she is one of the people whose shoes can be seen leaving the auditorium after an otherwise concealed performance. In this instant, Tár’s eyes are drawn to the shoes as much as the person wearing them.) Later, returning home to Sharon, Tár totes the same red bag, which Sharon immediately notices as if intuiting Tár’s unfaithful tendency to omit the truth (which Tár does by evading Sharon’s question about where the bag came from).
This uneasy doubling between Sebastien and Tár suggests a misogamist-misogynist link between them. Tár already spotlighted her misogynist tendencies as she wants to end the “quaint” Accordion tradition of only admitting women, as she, in a conversation with Olga, reveals she has no awareness of International Women’s Day, and, as revealed in her Gopnik interview, as she prefers the title maestro over meastra. In this way, Tár codifies herself as masculine and deflects feminine associations with herself, implicitly buying into ideas of female ineptitude and lack.
Furthermore, Tár is the father and cheating husband in her own family. When Petra does not call Tár by her first name, Lydia, Tár is known as “dad.” A cup on Tár’s home office desk, labeled “Dad,” confirms this point. Additionally, Tár refers to herself as Petra’s “father” when she introduces herself to Petra’s school bully. Tár’s repudiation of her femininity and preference for “dad” also reminds us of the absence of Tár’s own father (the film only evidences a mother and brother), opening up a whole other psychoanalytical can of worms.
IX. Rat no Rat
The cycle of repeated marital infidelity is finally broken when Tár fails to secure a romance with Olga. Indeed, the scene in which Tár takes Olga out to lunch repeats and significantly revises the power dynamic between Tár and Max at Julliard. Unlike the nervously twitching student, Olga remains confidently imperturbable. First, Tár misreads Olga by assuming that she, like herself, is vegetarian. Misreading her dietary preferences goes hand in hand with Tár’s misinterpretation of her sexual preference (which we do not know for certain. However, when Olga flirts with a boy at Tár’s book reading, it becomes possible that she prefers men). In the world of the film, too, one’s sexual preference is hardly as shocking as one’s dietary preferences, which, for Olga who orders veal, is as far from vegetarian as one can get.
Because Olga is Russian, Tár also supposes she is a Mstislav Rostropovich fan. Olga prefers Jacqueline du Pré and the Elgar Concerto (which Tár chooses as the companion piece to Mahler to ensure that Olga plays the solo). Although Olga clearly prefers female composers, like Max, she asserts her preference without citing her own social-political identity (despite Tár’s repeated attempts to force identity politics on her, positioning her as vegetarian, lesbian, feminist, Russian, and so on). For this reason, Olga secures Tár’s attraction, admiration, and the reward of a guest solo without a direct transaction, in which a “relationship” is exchanged for professional advancement.
Significantly, Olga knows the concerto from YouTube, not a record. Instead of assuming the role of “robot” for knowing and appreciating music from social media, though, Olga underlines Tár’s robotic, encyclopedic eagerness to know the exact recording and conductor of the Elgar Concerto that Olga listened to. When Tár inquires about the conductor of the piece, Olga responds, “I don’t know who was conducting, but she [Jacqueline du Pré] did something to me.” By taking no interest in the conductor of the piece, Olga divests Tár of the power to make her “feel something”–she translates the emotion for herself, refuting Tár’s belief in the conductor’s primacy as interpreter. In fact, Olga first displaces Tár’s authority when the waiter comes to the table asking for the “maestro’s” order, and Olga speaks first. Tár is now the one who should be offended.
Tár fails to show us her necessity and genius as a conductor, who, as she discusses with Gopnik at the beginning of the film, is more than a “human metronome” (a “Mr. Tempo Robot-o”). Notably, her personal metronome, decorated with the same Shipibo-Conibo design drawn in the novel Krista gives her, haunts her. In one scene, it mysteriously goes off in the night, as if of its own volition, reminding us of the precarious proximity of the metronome to the maestro.
Besides the rhythmic ticking of the metronome, many unintelligible noises irritate Tár throughout the film: the high-pitched noise the refrigerator makes at night, a woman screaming in the park, the medical device alarm, the indescribable sound from the car door as she drives . . . These noises, like music in Bernstein’s view, communicate emotions where language fails. The emotions evoked by these sounds, however, are all ugly, and they imbue the film with dread, fear, and irritation.
By the end of the film, all of the fast-paced dialogue, the overwhelming amount of cultural allusions, the repeated and misheard words, the palindromes and chiasmus, the texts and emails, the scraps of symphonic masterpieces . . . meld together into unintelligible noise, like Tár’s other vacant sounds. Early in the film, as Tár and Andris discuss the peal of someone’s voice that upbraids them, Andris notes, “Schopenhauer measured a man’s intelligence against his sensitivity to noise.” Tár adds that he also threw a woman down a flight of stairs, and Andris counters, “Yes, but it’s unclear if his private or personal failing is at all relevant to his work.”
Recalling Tár and Max’s disagreement about Bach, this debate about personal failing versus the relevance of one’s work repeats throughout the film without resolution. It, too, becomes the noise of the film, offering emotion in place of language (emotions of dismay, frustration, and displeasure). Even in Andris’s statement about Schopenhauer, we are left to ponder the truth: did he find a person more or less intelligent for being sensitive to noise? Considering Tár’s sensitivity, who (no matter what we would like to say about her) is highly intelligent, the film seems to link this sensitivity with the inability to access or make sense of one’s emotions.
Since the film leaves us with unintelligible sounds instead of the truth, we find ourselves offended again. The film’s avant-garde style, as well as its content, offends us by overwhelming us with possible meanings devoid of certainties. All of the film’s embedded “secret messages” (which Tár states while reading from her book about the “secret messages” of music, concurrently watching Olga share such a message with an anonymous boy) lead us to more and more signifiers instead of rewarding us with the ultimate “thing”–argument, ideology, moral, or focus–of the film. Indeed, thinking about the title of Tár’s book–Tár on Tár–we find Tár herself presented in an infinity mirror as she does in the dressing room in the Philippines, appearing again and again, becoming less distinct and knowable with each iteration.
X. If You Hate Tár, Try Corsage
We are eager to be offended by Tár and Tár because offense reinforces our sense of identity and how we politically align ourselves. It is a pleasure to be offended because it is a pleasure to be a member of a community held together through common beliefs and ideas. Additionally, we are eager to take offense in an era of identity politics in which we hold up artistic representation to Max’s very standards–ones that don’t reflect reality but rather a utopic ideal about what humans should look like and how they should behave. Alsop’s offense, too, points to the desire for an uplifting narrative and representation of women, lesbians, and conductors, which Tár gleefully withholds from us.
When I originally arrived at the theater to see Corsage instead of Tár, I gravitated toward a film I knew would make me feel good, even in its tragedy, because of its obvious feminist agenda. Marie Kreutzer’s Corsage (2022), like Tár, dives deep into its main character’s psyche, in this case, the historical figure, Empress Elizabeth of Austria. Unlike Tár, Corsage offers a fantastical re-imagining of Elizabeth’s life to provoke the audience’s empathy for a woman and a 19th-century aristocrat. Indeed, Pablo Larrían’s psychological biopic of Princess Diana in Spencer (2021) offers a similar, sympathetic re-imagining of a much-beloved female royal. Kreutzer and Larrían’s films take great liberty in retelling the lives of their respective historical figures. Yet, the lies these films tell are easier to swallow than the fiction of Tár because we eagerly defend Elizabeth and Diana.
In this way, we’re eager to be offended by Tár because the film neglects reflections of ourselves as we wish to be. Moreover, we are eager to assume that because a film chooses the pitch of the offensive and focuses on the offender, the ideological underpinnings of the film must be unworthy of our attention and dismissed as artless. When we heard “female, lesbian conductor,” we wanted Alsop, not Tár. Yet, as Tár insists to Max, “The narcissism of small differences leads to the most boring conformity.” And what a boring film Tár would be without Tár.
1
I misuse Roland Barthes critical term. “Punctum,” as Barthes uses it, denotes the “prick” a certain image delivers to viewers who have an intensely private, emotional response to what they view. In fact, Tár experiences a form of “punctum” in the emotional response she has to music, which she tries to translate to others. In my use of punctum, the emotional responses I had to the Julliard scene were more social than individual as I imagined myself being offended on grounds of sex, race and gender that are all socially informed. Speaking of Barthes, this very essay references him and his book S/Z, in which he succumbs to his desire to analyze every word from a short piece of fiction. Similarly, I offer a lengthy reflection of Tár out of the desire to analyze every minute of it.
2
This phrase is an antimetabole, not a chiasmus.
3
Significantly, Francesca, who usually wears her hair in neat updos, wears her hair down in the same style and cut as Krista in this scene.
4
We could also think about how Kubrick, in The Shining, uses the “magical negro” trope with the inclusion of a black clairvoyant as well as in the film’s allusions to the brutal past of Western expansion resulting in the confiscation of Native land and the murder of many Native Americans. In this way, Tár again presents itself as Kubrickian pastiche.
5
Notably, this queer-phobic trope of the “perverse collector” recalls Production Code-era film noirs that align homosexuality with dangerous “abnormailty.” In Otto Preminger’s Laura [1944], the film’s effete villain, Waldo Lydecker–played by Clifton Webb–collects valuable objects and proves his dual misogyny and misogamy when he attempts to murder his female protegee, Laura.
Viewing Breakthroughs: A Celebration of RedLine at 15 with Artist, Alicia Ordal
Alicia Ordal stood in Denver’s Museum of Contemporary Art gift shop, waiting for me in white and mauve checkered pants. She coincidentally fit in with the merchandise, which caters to a young audience with 1990s nostalgia (regardless of how conscious they were during the 90s). The MCA’s marketing and special programs target teens and align well with the currentness of its content. Indeed, searching for one’s place in the world becomes a lifelong endeavor that contemporary artists document through innovations in visual language.
The MCA’s current exhibition, Breakthroughs: A Celebration of RedLine at 15, showcases work from RedLine residency alums who assert their rightful place in Colorado’s contemporary art scene. I asked Ordal, one of the eighteen featured artists, to guide me through the exhibition. Ordal received a two-year residency when Laura Merage and The David & Laura Merage Foundation launched the nonprofit art center in 2008. In the historically black Five Points neighborhood, RedLine boasts an ample gallery space surrounded by open artist studios. Although Ordal currently rents a studio at TANK, created by former RedLine artists to provide their cohorts with affordable studios, her previously-occupied studio at RedLine hosts other emerging regional artists.
Artists including Sammy Seung-Min Lee, Marsha Mack, Suchitra Mattai, and Tony Ortega demonstrate how personal, historical, and mythological symbologies articulate identities touched by immigration and cultural hybridity. Others, including Daisy Patton, Eileen Roscina, Juntae Teejay Hwang, and Rebecca Vaughan, grapple with the confounding mixture of joy and anxiety that arise from family events and, to use Patton’s critical phrasing, “re-contextualize” the past with the present.
Right, Suchitra Mattai, “Held Still (in silent echo),” 2021
Many pieces in the show underscore the artists’ desires to overcome the constraints of verbal language by exploring alternative ways to speak with the environment around them. These artists include Gretchen Marie Schaefer, Jeff Page, and Ashley Eliza Williams.
Gretchen Marie Schaefer, courtesy of Schaefer’s websiteJeff Page, “Meditation Guide for 2020,” courtesy of Page’s websiteAshley Eliza Williams, “Umwelt (communication attempt),” 2023Detail of Williams’ “Umwelt”
In addition to this permeating theme of communication, Ben Coleman and Trey Duvall demonstrate an interest in everyday objects, absurdity, and sound. The remaining artists, Amber Cobb, Mario Zoots, and Tya Anthony, consider language or communication alongside abstraction, asking more formal questions without erasing their backstories.
We purposefully viewed Ordal’s piece last, first coming into view from the ground-floor balcony, looking down into the basement. “Originally, I wanted to play with the architecture of this building, which I love,” Ordal looked around her to admire the sleekly modern space created by Adjaye Associates in 2007. “But then I decided to create just one piece and put it in the basement.”
Consequently, Ordal’s change of heart made room for Ana María Hernando’s “tulle paintings” to interact with the space.
Left, one of Hernando’s “tulle paintings.”
“Let’s get a picture of you,” I directed Ordal, like a proud mom, next to her piece. “It’s OK,” I said, addressing the young gallery attendant, “She made this piece. So, she can touch it.”
“I figured from the conversation,” the attendant responded, turning her eyes to Ordal. “I really love the material you used. I didn’t realize at first that it was carpet padding. Did you mean to use it to look like marble?”
Ordal’s sculpture, a Z-shaped octagon entitled “Birdsmouth,” looked, to my eye, as if made from granite slabs. Ordal recounted how she first saw the material when a maintenance person left it in the hallway of her apartment building. “He left it there for a couple of weeks,” Ordal stated. “But the day I finally came to take it, he showed up for it.”
The man returned to give Ordal the leftover material, and she went to the home improvement store for more. As exemplified in her use of this padding, Ordal conscientiously chooses materials. Often these materials are upcycled products, such as toilet paper rolls, upholstery foam, and rope.
When I asked her about the piece’s title, she informed me that “birdsmouth” is a woodworking joint, which she originally planned to incorporate. “I had to give the MCA a title before I made the piece,” Ordal explained. “I’m OK with the title referencing something that’s not even there, though.” Ordal’s birdsmouth-less sculpture, therefore, responds to “the [ubiquitous] boxy Denver loft” by referencing a not-even-there habitat in the city.
For several years now, Ordal has occupied a rare fixed-rent basement apartment in the Denver Highlands neighborhood. (Note how both Ordal and her sculpture inhabit the basement of a building.) Indeed, this historically Latino and low-income neighborhood exemplifies recent, widespread gentrification in Denver.
Once a diverse, residential area, the Highlands now teems with expensive loft buildings, high-end restaurants, and an assortment of gyms, spas, and boutiques that cater to a growing number of white, upper-middle-class young professionals. Many early 20th-century Victorian and mid-century modern homes in the neighborhood have been demolished and rebuilt as monstrous mixed-material hybrids of glass, wood, metal, and stone.
Echoing the architecture around Ordal, “Birdsmouth” incorporates three plastic “windows” in the top left corner of the octagon, covered by a construction-cone-orange tree branch. A wooden ladder leans against the bottom right quadrant. Caught in a dark, polluted cloud that shades the underbelly of the piece, the ladder proposes that we climb out of the muck to access Ordal’s dwelling. Moreover, the name “Birdsmouth” suggests an elevated nest. Drawing from and refuting the world around her, these elements underscore Ordal’s desire to inhabit an imagined space still rooted in the reality of a city she calls home.
In other words, Ordal’s visual reverie holds on to utopic, inclusive futurity by providing an alternative to dystopic, segregating present-day developments. Earlier that day, Ordal showed me a blueprint for the facade of a different dream home generated on her computer. This home also repudiates the uninteresting square loft with its polygon shape. Composed of red brick on one side and yellow brick on the other, the house features a large porthole window tinted purple, a dark green door decorated with a vertical column of transparent glass bricks, and an outdoor rooftop patio. Designing structures satisfying her standards, Ordal passively resists immersion in a world of haphazard design that she lacks the authority to alter.
“Birdsmouth” relates to a handful of other works in the exhibit that manufacture fantasy environments as expressions of existential displacement. Moreover, these constructions express desires to belong somewhere and a find home. For instance, Sammy Seung-Min Lee’s installation utilizes suitcases to invoke the estrangement that immigrants feel after establishing themselves in another country. Underneath these suitcases, Lee laid a block of reflective silver vinyl. The parameters of this mirror flooring comply with Colorado state law, which defines 100 square feet as the minimum amount of space suitable for an “adequate shelter.” Although Lee’s work draws from her own experience as an immigrant from South Korea, her installation also brings to mind Denver’s pervasive homeless population.
In contrast to Lee’s gloomy installation, Marsha Mack translates her vibrant private paradise through a “visual vocabulary of personal symbols.” Such symbols include Pocky boxes, a Japanese candy, alluding to her nostalgia for visiting Asian supermarkets as a half-Vietnamese child. Backdrops of lush jungle waterfalls hang behind her ceramic sculptures of delicate, feminine hands in balletic mudras, fruit rendered as jewelry, a pair of black swans in a clamshell. . . pieces that would be at home on a vanity set in a girly bedroom. Indeed, Mack takes up an entire room in the museum, adding to the work’s voyeuristic pleasure by granting us exclusive access to someone else’s Eden.
In this continuum, “Birdsmouth” lies between Lee’s dreary display of transience and alienation and Mack’s baroque fantasy. Moreover, while Ordal’s longing for home (a place of solace, ample space, security, and acceptance) does not arise from experiences of being biracial or an immigrant, her attention to it highlights its universal elusiveness. Denver, too, seems to grow more inhospitable for artists who cannot afford to live and work here, for immigrants who feel exoticized, for women who feel unsafe, for people of color brutalized by the police, for families torn apart by gun violence . . . For one reason or another, this city pushes everyone out.
These ideas doggedly pursued us as we left the MCA for RedLine in a hotspot of homeless encampments. Its current exhibition, a retrospective on Denver-based photographer Mark Sink, opened on April 1st, 2023. Coming to a wall of “wetplates,” photographs made by pouring collodion on a glass or tin plate before adding silver nitrate, we recognized our friends from the Denver art scene. “Here’s you!” I exclaimed in front of Ordal’s picture. “And here’s you again!” How fitting that Ordal appears simultaneously in RedLine and the RedLine show at the MCA, among her friends, where she belongs, in more-than-adequate spaces that support artists in a tough city. She may not feel entirely at home in Denver, but here is proof that she is welcomed and appreciated.
Breakthroughs: A Celebration of RedLine at 15 opened on February 24, 2023, and is on display until May 28, 2023. Curated by Miranda Lash and Leilani Lynch, the exhibiting artists include Tya Anthony, Amber Cobb, Ben Coleman, Trey Duvall, Ana María Hernando, Juntae Teejay Hwang, Sammy Seung-Min Lee, Marsha Mack, Suchitra Mattai, Alicia Ordal, Tony Ortega, Jeff Page, Daisy Patton, Eileen Roscina, Gretchen Marie Schaefer, Rebecca Vaughan, Ashley Eliza Williams, and Mario Zoots.